My Apology A few years ago I discovered a wonderful and new media-Facebook, and I was enthralled with the wonders of this new media. Just imagine; anyone can communicate via Facebook and it is possible that your thoughts and words could be seen by people from all over the world. I quickly realized that this media would be utilized by millions of people according to their desires, interests and convictions. With this in mind; I soon started telling stories of my life’s escapades and the response was overwhelming and I began to get friend requests from people I barely knew or didn’t know at all; it seems folks was sharing some of my diddies with other friends, and I developed a love for telling short stories. Many of my readers or friends got a chuckle or two from these stories, and to many it painted this picture of a crazy and goofy old man who was surely happy go lucky, and he was truly full of joy and peace. Nothing could have been further from the truth; deep inside I felt like a failure and a disappointment that I had not fulfilled my purpose in life. My family; like many families today, had our share of struggles and disappointments; soon God began dealing with me and over the course of several months I began to see myself as God saw me; the picture He painted on my heart was not a pretty one. I realized quickly that I had failed in my role as a husband, father and friend. Finally one sleepless night, I went to my man-cave and while climbing the stairs, I began to weep; full of sorrow over the state of my soul; full of misery of the husband I was, the father I was, the employee I was, the friend I was. Overcome with these feelings; I cried out to the Father and began to repent and ask forgiveness and in the wee hours of the morning a sense of peace began to fill me and I began to set goals for change; I literally needed to change my habits; my way of thinking and I began turning to the scriptures for guidance and exhortation. I began to set goals to achieve those things that would make my Father proud of me. The first step was repentance and asking those who I had failed or trespassed against to forgive me. I want you to believe me when I tell you that this process was months long!!!! I started with my dear wife Karen and then to my children, progressing to my friends and even to my employers. With every step; I gained relief and a sense of having a new purpose in my life; gone were grudges and bitterness, and God began to fill me with love and joy, I felt like the prodigal son; that I had come home after living in the pig pen. Armed with this new sense of peace; this new direction I had taken, I soon wanted to be used as God would lead me. I began to remember the years that I had taught Sunday School classes, times when as a deacon that I had ministered to others and the yearning began anew to serve. I began to ask Him for guidance; to tell me where to go, where to serve and how. I became very frustrated during this time; it seemed as if everything I was considering; God was saying no! Oh, I could see myself standing in front of a group of believers and sharing the word; bringing to life the wonderful portrait of a loving God; but alas God said no. Finally and again; one sleepless night He said, “ I had all these wonderful plans for you and because of the hardness of your heart, you walked away from them, once I would have been proud to have you teach before my children, to stand in my temple and proclaim the words of my scriptures; but you chose to wander in and out of the wilderness your entire life. Those places you desire are for those who are steadfast in their walk; who have set the example and are worthy of that calling.” I was stunned to say the least; what then was I to do; wasn’t’ I called according to his purpose, I remember thinking. I finally remembered that what got me in trouble to start with was my own strong will, my own hard headedness, so I began to pray for His guidance. In the stillness of my heart He began to speak and tell me that He could still use me, that I could be used of Him, He began to show me the powers of communication found in this wonderful media called Facebook, and He began to show me those who were lost, those who were struggling and living in a pig-pen as I had, He spoke and said, “I want you to minister to those children that I love so much.” He carried me to Christ’s sermon when Christ, in referring to the children, spake and said, “it would be better for you to tie a stone around your neck and jump into the sea, than to harm a hair on one of their heads. I want you to look on their hearts with the gift of discernment I am giving you, I want you to look past words of bitterness, words of anger, words spoken without thought of their Creator; and I want you to look upon them as Christ did.” Armed with this new purpose, I began to pray over every post containing, hurt, bitterness, anger and disappointment; sure enough, I soon had this wonderful gift of discernment and I was seeing these “children” in a new light. He then spoke and said, I want you to be honest with these children and begin to encourage them; not as one who has led an exemplary life; but as one who has struggled for a lifetime, to do this; you must be honest; you have to share your innermost thoughts and times when you failed, but I forgave you, this then is your ministry; your message to those babes of mine; that I never gave up on you, I have always loved you and even now, I stand waiting with a robe and a crown.” The funny stories all but dried up; and I had found my place, to encourage, to pray and when necessary to confess my failures; my sins to those who are walking in the bogs of life. For the most part, I have been following my call and have not knowingly mistreated one of His children; til yesterday. I read a post from someone and became full of anger and indignation and lashed out in anger by deleting this person from my friends list and then I posted a nasty rant on facebook. Last night was another sleepless night, and in my anger and then guilt over my actions I was unable to sleep. I quickly realized that everything I had wrote, every lesson I shared, I became the shining example of how not to react, and thus I may have harmed a child of God with the example I set. This morning, I have apologized and asked forgiveness from the Father, for I surely disappointed Him yet again!!! Though I named no names, I do owe an apology to the one I was so angry at; my response to the post wasn’t one that God was please with, and if I was that offended, I should have approached him in person and shared my grievance with that person IN PERSON AND PRIVATELY, I had no right to go off on Facebook and lash out at them, this was certainly not the approach Christ would approve of and is against every thing written in the scriptures on this subject. There are those who have spoke with me and we have prayed together over life issues; these wee ones have expressed their love and admiration for me, have told me they enjoy my stories and admire me! Now look what I have done!!!! If you have read this far; you are someone who reads my stories; who thinks I am someone to listen to; and I have failed you, and disappointed you. I want you to know how sorry I am and ask for your prayers and forgiveness; I for a moment became a disappointment and for that I am truly sorry. I also owe Dr. Billy Graham an apology; how presumptuous of me to feel that I have to defend him; his ministry; his life’s work and if he were aware of this situation, I know he would be disappointed in my response to the situation. His life’s work needs no defending; no apologizing for, he simply has been a faithful Christian who has followed God’s calling on his life. Paul once shared with his flock that the reason he wasn’t’ teaching the wonderful and innermost secrets of the scriptures, the doctrines and such ,was because the flock was still babes in Christ; that they needed milk before they were ready to eat meat. So today, I am seeking my spiritual bottle of milk; that I might grow and become strong enough to receive and teach the meat of life. Blessings t.
Posted on: Sat, 09 Nov 2013 13:31:31 +0000
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