My English lecturer bought me a diary and inspired me to write. She said that it would help me through my depression if I tried to express my feelings in a foreign language. Also, she promised that I can come to her and discuss about it, she said, she would help me to correct my mistakes every time when she is free. And it happened once or twice. Suddenly she became moody and started to kick me out every time when I was trying to enter the classroom. She became very rude. I felt like a loser, as if I have done something impossibly BAD. I was on my medication. I tried to hurt my arm with a knife. Then I tried to reach them out (her and other lecturers) asking for help. I told them that I am very drunk at the moment and that I am hurting my hand, I want to die. Some of my friends came to visit me, we called ambulance. We ordered pizza. But the next day was terrible. Some of the lecturers I was trying to contact, were scolding me, saying that my behavior was quite hysterical and that EVERYBODY IS BUSY WITH THEIR LIFE AND THEIR PROBLEMS. That I am a grown up person and have to learn to embrace my troubles. BUT I WAS ALWAYS SHINING! ALL THESE YEARS! That was the moment when I just gave up, I couldnt go on all by myself anymore, I wanted somebody to help me. If this wasnt enough, English lecturer decided to go to the Dean and report me. She told all the lies about me, that I was too active during the lectures, that I didnt allow anybody to speak, that my marks were rather average than good, she said that I am FORCING her to give her extra lessons!!!! when the truth is that she bought me that diary and invited me. Also, she made the conclusion HERSELF (I remind you that shes a lecturer, not a doctor) that I am a psychopath, she even contacted my psychology lecturers and asked them to take control over me. What a shame! I have 10 for Psychology, as most of my subjects. My English lecturer made all of my classmates go against me. MY LIFE AT THE COLLEGE WAS OVER. I gave up with my studying. Many other lecturers who obviously disliked me, even though I used to believe that they liked me, started to talk to me if they HAPPEN to meet me in the bar or in the street. They told me to go and see psychiatrist and take even stronger medication because I REALLY NEED IT! Thats just a sign of love, isnt it? 4 years have passed, and this year 2013 I decided to go back to complete my studies because I have paid a huge amount of money and had to leave because of that pressure. I didnt want to study for free because I am working now and I can pay, but I need to pay half amount, I cant afford to pay all at once. Some of my lecturers arent able to look me in the eyes. They pretend that they dont recognize me. But Mrs. Deans Secretary wasnt polite with me when I was trying to fill my documents in, she kept telling me that she is busy even though I was trying to go there 4 times. I couldnt fill in the document without her help. So, this is my story. And I hope that this College will meet its fate after they have made me to go through this and to suffer a lot. I have lost lots of my time and money, and respect from everybody in town. Now even at work place they are mocking me and making fun of me and my life because everybody knows everything. They are calling me old, fat, ugly and mentally sick. Not much left of my musical talent and of me as SUNSHINE anymore. I FEEL SO SORRY FOR THIS BOY. I KNOW HOW he has felt. I hope that the teacher will be the next to jump of the building as much as I am seeking for truth and recovery from this long living out of this world story.
Posted on: Sun, 03 Nov 2013 09:20:13 +0000
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