My Friend Pam shared this beautiful video with me. I think its because she knows money holds very little value for me. I suppose one might argue that if it werent for those who value it above all else, we would not truly be able to see, to experience, the Beauty in the Random Acts of Kindness that go on, around us, every single day. I hope I can become more aware of the opportunities to practice such acts, and then have the fortitude to follow through. Intent is a grand thing, but it is action that gets results. Im sorry I havent been active on here for the last year or so. Ive been having something of a spiritual and emotional crisis and I havent quite been able to get back to center yet. I met and fell in love with a really great guy, who changed my world, changed me, made me want to be more than I was, and really, for the first time in my life, made me want to live as long as I possibly could, so that I would never miss a day with him. I had hoped to be able to convince him that he couldnt live without me either. It just didnt happen. He met a great guy of his own, and theres no doubt in my mind that the love they hold for each other is at least as great as the love I hold in my heart for him. I can be, and am, happy for them, and still at the same time be sad for myself. Theres no denying the Beauty that is Love. Im still trying to adjust to this, trying to figure out where I fit, coming to terms with the events of my life that have left me here, still wondering why, for what purpose. I still dont know. I mention this only by way of an explanation. I had thought, some years ago, that it might be nice if I were to write a Christmas message for anyone who would care to read it, but last year, in the midst of my grief over multiple losses in my life, I shut down and turned off, pretty much disconnected from everything. Its safe to say I was coming apart at the seams. I dont know where I stand on the issue of God. Im not looking for any advice either. No offense, but if you are having a problem with your Friend, your Husband or your Wife, you go to your Friend, your Husband or your Wife and work it out. Going to someone else doesnt help much. So when and if I feel up to it, and am a little less angry with the All Mighty, I will do so, but until then.... Well, I just dont know if this could be considered a Christmas message or not. Here goes anyway... I have come to the realization, despite what the apologists say, that the Creator is powerless, impotent. For every child at Saint Judes that experiences a Miracle Cure, with prayers seemingly answered, there are thousands all over the world that still die. For every prayer of grace, thanking God for the bounty on the table, there are vast numbers whos prayers for food go unanswered, at least by God. People everyday are tortured, raped, starved, murdered, bankrupt, diagnosed with terminal illnesses, discriminated against, abandoned, heart broken, etc...all over the world, all praying to whatever gods they believe in, including the one and only God, to no avail. It stands to reason, then, that God is powerless to affect changes here, in what many consider to be his crowning achievement. I dont want this to turn into a message of anger against a Creator who seemingly has deaf ears. Whether or not the Creator is even aware of our existence is a debatable subject, but even if he is, I think its time we let God off the hook, so to speak. I cant credit Him for bringing Daniel into my life anymore that I can blame Him for not allowing Daniel to see in me what he sees in Curtis. File that under ... well, you know, stuff happens. And, in kind, I cant credit him for the food on my table, anymore than I can blame him for the absence of it for the folks in the slums of India. I cant praise Him for my good health, and yet say it was Gods will when others fall ill and die. Heres the point of all this; With Love, who knows. Ill never in my life be able to understand why one person can fall head over heals in love with someone who cant reciprocate, while others seem to have absolutely no problem finding someone they fall in love with, can feel the same back. Love truly is the dominion of God and all I can do is scratch my head, marvel at its simple complexity and hope that it doesnt kill me in the end. All the other stuff, though? Thats on us. If people starve in this world, its because we lack the cultural fortitude to do what needs doing to ensure that the food that rots on our docks gets to the places that needs it. If people die of illnesses and diseased like Ebola and cancer, then again, it is culturally speaking, our fault. For love of money... for fear of not having any, for fear of someone else taking ours, for fear of someone else having benefit of it without efforts, both the poor and the rich. We can be thankful to the Creator for this much at least; we can be thankful for our existence, and we can be thankful, whether we choose to use them or not, for having everything we need to address any problems we would choose to. I dont believe its up to God. Thats the nature of free will, to act or not to act. Its a big challenge, but I think the saying goes, Think Globally, Act Locally. Like the young man portrayed in the video. As a footnote, since my appearances here on facebook are probably going to be limited, as I continue to work out my issues, I just want to take a few lines of text and express my love, affection, and gratitude for helping me stay in one piece, in small and large ways alike, your efforts and love did not go unnoticed. In no particular order; All my Cousins, who accepted me as I am, and I believe, love me no matter what. For the love and unwavering support, and for telling me truth because I needed to hear it, even when Id rather you hadnt, Love you Pam. The whole of the Collins/Garber clan. If ever there was an example of what Family should be... Love you all. Thanks for adopting me. Dee, Katrina and that bunch over in Winston Salem, Thanks for being there and for welcoming me into your home. Matthew, for shear determination and for pointing out that if I.... well, you know, that Id be as selfish as the man that was my father. Wes and Mike, for giving me time to decompress by the ocean, and for loving each other. Congratulations on your marriage! Hate I wasnt there. David, Faye, Jo, and Steve, for getting me into the business, and putting up with me. My friends. Earl and Robin, distance and time seem to always keep us apart, but I love you both more than you know. My Friends on Bays Mountain for giving me a great place to meditate, and my new Friends at Dillys, for loving my cat. My cat, Lord Apophus, well, just for being himself. To everyone here on facebook that sent me personal letters of support. they mean allot. And of course, Daniel, who had to knock me on my ass, but hung around to wipe off the blood, stitch me back together and help me back to my feet. You said youd be with me every step of the way, and you pretty much were. Really love you Daniel, and I hope you and Curtis will be together for the rest of your lives. Youre a matched set. And to anyone else Ive forgotten. I love you all, and I hope you have much love and light in your lives during these holidays and all the rest of your time here. Go make a difference.
Posted on: Sun, 23 Nov 2014 18:19:53 +0000
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