My Love, It has been just over a year and a bit... Yes a year and a bit since you were taken from me, a year and a bit since my world went to crap, and for some unknown reason I was left here alone to pick up the pieces. All I know still have some hope that things will get better, but I know and you did that hope is pointless, how can the world heal itself after such ruin, after such destruction? They are now predicting most of the population will get the infection. Those are the odds we are up against. To tell the truth my love, all my hopes died with you, I don’t even know why I get up in the mornings. My Love, I just got home; yes I am back to the place where it all began. This house is so full of memories of happiness; it saddens me so much to know it’s all gone. Recollections are erratic companions, but what is worse is that I feel them becoming twisted, I know and fear the picture I have of you is starting to fail, shifting, altering into something that is not you at all, but a interpretation of what I believed you to be instead of what you were. I do not want my memories of you to fade, my love. As I have abandoned everyone else, oh they will continue without me, I just needed to be here, I needed to be near you. I know you are gone, but everything about you still lingers in this place, in every corner of this house and every part of my mind. My Love, I discovered I am infected today, I gave in to the lure, the inquisitiveness, and the bitter hopelessness, and yes I kissed death on the lips, and found its tang to my liking. I know you would disapprove my love; you had such an affinity for living, and would want me to carry on no matter what the cost. But I ask you… as I ask myself, would you feel the same if you were in my place, after all the things I have seen, all the horrors I have experienced, all the people I have lost; would you feel the same my love? The virus doses not get you instantaneous; it takes several days for it to truly take you away. I wonder if part of you remains, even after you became one of those mindless creatures that roam the streets at night. I don’t want that. I think that would be the cruellest punishment, crueller than death. I will be with you soon my love. My Love, I got up this morning, not feeling too good; clearly the infection is in its early stages. Its feels like the common flu, but we all know better now. We are no longer unaware of this deviousness infection, it tricks you into believing you are suffering from a cold, and just when you believe you are getting better, it attacks. I live in constant fear of that attack, my love. I am surprised by my fear; I suppose it has become so usual living in this new world that it is now second nature. I’m almost glad you cannot see the world today, my love, one can’t call anyplace home, yet everything with a roof is still considered a house. I have returned to our home for the end, but it does not look like our home; not anymore. It is unbearable to stay between these walls, or under this roof, where we once shared happiness, knowing the things I know now. It breaks my heart to see this perfect haven become a part of the imperfect world I have been drifting through the past year. It won’t be much longer now. I won’t last much longer now. My Love, The trees outside our house look bare, but it is not yet winter, things just don’t want to grow. Every where you go, walls are falling and the street are just full of things one can not put a name on, it does not matter anymore, nothing matters much anymore. The illness seems to be subsiding. I feel more alert and less tired. I know what this means though, you know my love, I know. My Love is this what you went through, is this how you felt? I hope you never felt this pain, I pray you didn’t. My skin… it aches Julia, everything I touch brings me pain, my clothes itch and irritate my flesh. I need to get out. I need to get out of my skin. How can I bear this, how could anyone bear this? I am writing this, in some vain hope that someone will read this, and one day put us both out of our undying misery. Oh god… My eyes, my love… My fecking eyes, feels almost as if someone has forced shards of sand beneath my eyelids. There is no moisture, just pain, and a complete lack of vision. I don’t know how long this will last before I am gone, I can only hope the end comes soon; I cannot take this pain for long. My Love, the end is near, we will be together again before long. This feeling is detestable, I feel my blood running through my veins and arteries, but it has thickened, and it feels almost as though mud is being pumped through my system. I have been suffering from bouts of stomach cramps that leave me quivering on the floor. I haven’t eaten for several days; then again, I don’t have much of a craving for food... As my vision got worse, the pain, I couldn’t take it any longer… so I ripped out my left eye; the relief was incredible, if only temporary. I barely felt any pain during the process, but afterwards, after the blood and mush that was left of my eye was in the palm of my hands, that was when the agony set in. The blood that oozed from my eye socket was nothing like human blood. It was so dark it was almost black, and as thick as car oil. I can taste blood on my tongue, blood and bile, and the empty space where my eye once was only aches now, but everywhere aches, everywhere hurts. This is pain, undiluted pain. My Love, the pain has become so natural to me now that I can scarcely feel it, that or the pain has merely subsided as the virus finally takes complete control of my body. I came down to see you today, with what was left of my vision, for the last time, the basement stank; the rotten fumes of death linger here, along with you. Your dead eyes stared back at me, and even through one unfocused lens I can still see your beauty, your elegance, your grace. Even though most of your flesh has abandoned your face, and your hair is frayed and dead, I can still see the woman I fell in love with. Despite every obstacle, when I look at you, there is nothing but clarity and I feel assured that my decision to become just like you was the right one. I will be leaving this world, this form; very soon, I can feel parts of myself fading away, and those parts being replaced with this repulsive infection. But I am thankful, because I will be like you. We will be together again my love. I watched a film about the walking dead, this came to me, I felt there had to be another side of the story, not just dead people walking around with no where to go...
Posted on: Thu, 08 Aug 2013 05:59:40 +0000
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