My Weight Loss Struggle by RKC Team Leader, Laurel Blackburn I’ve been thinking about writing this blog for quite a while. I’ve been struggling with this issue since I was a teenager. I know I am not alone. This blog won’t give you the latest weight loss secret, nor will it give you a really incredible workout. As a matter of fact, it won’t give you any answers. My hope is that it starts a conversation that needs to happen. It’s time for me to get honest with myself and it’s time for me to get honest with others. I need to hear about other people out there who struggle with the same issues as I do. I know I am not alone. I see it in others, I see it in my clients, I see it all over social media and I see it in my family. My issue is my love/hate affair with my body. I can’t even tell you when or why this started. All I know is that I have fought with my body image and my weight since I started junior high school. I have no idea whether or not I was actually overweight, but that does not even matter. I thought I was overweight and thus began decades of self-loathing, countless diets and a trip to a 28 day eating disorder clinic. At 20 years old and after the birth of my first son, my goal was to weigh in the double digits. Imagine my elation when I tipped the scales at 99 pounds. I was on top of the world. That number meant that I was finally a success and that I was attractive. Of course it didn’t last long. Before I knew it, I ballooned to a whopping 119 pounds. I felt like a failure. Suddenly I went from feeling attractive to feeling like a monster. I was buying a size 20 in clothes to hide my hideous body. I only wore clothes that hid my massive frame. It was then that I sought help and entered treatment for my eating disorder. I never considered myself anorexic nor bulimic, I went because I was a straight up binge eater and my weight was out of control. Again I only weighed 119 pounds. One of the things we had to do was exercise. I felt so hideous that my workout clothes consisted of my huge potato sack skirt that reached the floor and a huge oversized shirt. After all, I didn’t want anyone to see how big I was. I spent 28 days in treatment and left the same as when I went in. Over the past decades, I have gained and lost 20 pounds. My biggest weight loss successes came when I was competing in bodybuilding. Those were the days. Some how I managed to stay with a strict diet for 12 weeks. I ate by the clock every 2-3 hours. My meals consisted of boiled chicken, rice, cold sweet potatoes and broccoli. It wasn’t good, but it was what I ate. Food was not longer enjoyable. I even traveled to Las Vegas on vacation for a week with my cooler full of food. On the day of my contests, my body fat was approximately, 18% and yet I still had a wad of fat on the back of my legs. I guess I should mention that I am of Hispanic, Italian descent. We have some meaty thighs! God, how I hate them. It took about 3-4 weeks after each contest to gain back 20 pounds. I had no idea how to transition back to normal eating. I went from a ripped, lean size 0, back to what I felt was a fat, over weight woman. The next few years, I gained and lost 15-20 pounds through various diets and exercise plans. Now I sit here writing this, ashamed. I am 51 years old and I’m still struggling with weight and body image. As fitness professional, I know better. But, first and foremost, I am a woman. I am woman who has struggled with her weight, self-image, self-esteem and body image for 40 years. Trust me, I have done every diet out there. I have done Paleo, I have done the Whole30, I have gone off sugar, I have gone off carbs, I have detoxed, I have done Precision Nutrition, I have eaten low fat, high fat, low protein, high protein, I have kept food journals. I have counted calories and I have measured my food. I have done tons of cardio, I have lifted heavy weights…I have done it all. I still go through the same emotions and behaviors. I lose around 7-10 pounds. I feel great. I feel attractive. I feel successful. I go shopping and buy cute clothes and wear them with pride. Then I gain the weight back. My self-esteem, body image and confidence go to hell. I go back to my baggy clothes. So, is there a point in life and I am asking anyone who is reading this blog, in which you stop the madness and just accept who you are, accept and love your body and quit torturing yourself? Or do you continue the self-destructive mental and physical abuse? At 51 years old, I’m... read the complete blog post: rkcblog/weight-loss-struggle/
Posted on: Wed, 28 Aug 2013 14:08:01 +0000
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