My daughter wont be small forever. One day shell be grown. One day she may hold a child in her arms and unknown burdens on her shoulders. Not every choice we arrive to as a parent comes from following a chosen path. Sometimes there are detours that drag us far from what we would have wished. When I speak to other women about the issues that weigh heavily on their hearts I try not to speak to them as a stranger, but as I would hope someone might speak to my daughter one day if she is struggling. From a place of empathy rather than one of judgement. From a place that says I have all of these tools and coping mechanisms and understanding. I am blessed. Let me share so that you can find all those lovely things that work for you. My heart breaks to think of my daughter looking for support only to be met with judgement and harsh words. Ive seen a lot of posts and articles talking about how the desire to end mommy wars is stupid or meaningless. I disagree. The most beautiful gift we can leave for our children is a world where they feel free to make powerful positive and wonderful choices and to accept that they care enough for their child to make the best choices that they can possibly make. I dont need to hold in my heart that another mothers choice is wrong to hold it in my heart that my choice is a good and positive one. It is my job to raise my children in the best way I can. It is not my job to tell another woman that she is doing it the wrong way. I can provide her with tools if possible, and if she asks. The tools I know of may or may not work for her. Its not my wish to change who she is- its my wish that she may find those tools that help her be a consistent, loving and strong mother to her children. It doesnt have to be about teams and sides and wars and right ways and wrong ways and good ways and bad ways and better thans and worse thans. It can be like a swap meet, a sharing place. Where everyone comes with an open heart to share tools and find tools. To say this didnt work for me but it might for you. In the end our parenting holds us accountable only to our own children. Not to each other and not to our in-laws. Not to our parents or to the neighbors. You dont need to tell me to be a better mother, my daughter and my sons tell me that every day. And I dont need to tell you to be one, I can see already that you are trying. (Abuse and neglect come from mental illness or a lack of better tools. Neither of those things respond well to shame. If those things are occurring the person needs support services and intervention not advice and judgement. )
Posted on: Sat, 09 Nov 2013 21:20:49 +0000
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