My sister,blood or not forever you will be mine. I remember years ago when her tiny self joined the synchro team,she shined from day one. As she grew so did her passion for synchro and life. It showed in every ounce of her body,mind, and soul. I remember the first time I ever got to work with her on one of her figures. That is when I realized we were identical. We both had a passion and desire to preform and be the best that we could in all areas of life..And well lets face it we both loved winning(because 2nd place is the first loser,right) However,that was not the only thing we had in common,that was just the visible thing for us and others to see at the time. There was always something more between us that didnt become visible until just recently. I had the pleasure to swim along side her, coach her, and watch her grown into a beautiful and STRONG young woman. These last 6 months have been something else. This woman endured challenges and pain no one should ever go through. Its not fair we say...it should never happen to someone so young,but all in all it happened. She fought this battle every step of the way like the champion that she is and always will be. It did not defeat her,she won in the end, and now rests. I cant say I was there every day with her,because I wasnt. In spirit,yes EVERYDAY,but I wasnt standing by her each day and in my heart I wish I had been. In a way its scary to watch someone fight a battle like the one that she fought. Its hard to come to terms when you realize that its not going to get better. But each person deals with these types of scenarios differently. I never saw her as a person with cancer. I never judged her or made it feel awkward for either of us. I treated her the same I would treat any of my most loved friends and sisters,because that is what she is and will always be. I looked at her the same each day and talked to her the same,sarcasm and all. This last week has been the most challenging week for not just me but so many of her loved ones and especially her. No one knows how much of a struggle it is for me to get up the courage to go to the hospital and to be around that type of atmosphere. I get panic attacks just walking into a room there,but I pushed all that aside and became selfless this week. I put that aside to be with my Angel everyday for as long and she and I could endure. Yes,it was my thanksgiving break...most people would be relaxing,drinking, and whatever they decide is enjoyable. I chose to spend every moment I mentally and physically could with this beautiful soul and I am so grateful I did. The last 7 days I have witnessed and been a part of such beautiful things. I have made memories that not everyone got to make and memories that I will NEVER forget. This week I was shown what true love is,true RAW love. Marisa and I always threw around the love word at the pool and when we swam or texted,but it was not until Thursday, Thanksgiving that it really sunk in..how much we truly loved each other. I knew I loved her and she loved me,but I never knew how much or in the way we did until Thursday. The words that this young woman spoke to me,with all the energy she had will never leave my mind and I will hold them in my heart forever. Today my angel was given peace,the peace she so much deserved. After her long battle she is finally resting as she should be. I sat in her room and stayed as long as I could,I didnt want to leave when it was time to go. I felt so much strength being next to her. I felt whole inside and I didnt want to let go,because I was scared of feeling empty. Eventually I had to leave,and I did feel weak until I stepped outside and felt warmth. I felt my body stop shaking and I felt my heart beat normal without the feeling of nausea in my stomach. I never in a million years thought I could or would have the courage to do what I did today,but I know why I could and why I did. I did it for my sister. I did it because Marisa taught me so much these last 6 months and especially this last week. She changed my life forever and made me stronger. She gave me strength to be able to confront death and accept it. She made my fear and anxiety go away, and allowed me to see each day for what it is. She showed me how to feel and that it is okay to feel. I am blessed to know I have the strongest angel watching over me. Im so lucky. Im so lucky to have the love and friendship I had with Marisa and will have in my heart forever. To my Higgins family; thank you for allowing me to be so close with you this last week and allowing me to be a part of this journey. Thank you for holding me up, for letting me in, and allowing me to love Marisa. I love you all with every ounce of my mind body and soul. To my angel,Marisa, I love you. Thank you for these last 7 days, thank you for exposing me to the love and thank you for giving me strength.
Posted on: Mon, 01 Dec 2014 07:55:15 +0000
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