My thoughts on Leelah, The story of Leelahs suicide sounds very familiar. My 30 year old friend Alley from the LOFT who committed suicide last year had religious parents like that. Made her life impossible. She had moved out of the house and was on her own working as a pharmacy tech at a nursing home, and was happy. Then Alley got an illness that made her too weak to work and she had to move back home with her parents. Parents set all kinds of unfair limits on what she could or could not do, who she could see, what she could wear. She got depressed and killed herself. After she died, her parents forbid anyone from the LGBT community to even go to the funeral. Wish she had made a will to have stated otherwise but she did not think of it. With Leelah, though, she was too young to move out on her own and had no resources to fall back on. Her religious fundamental parents sent her to conversion therapy and denied her proper medical care, or the chance to be herself. Leelahs death is starting a movement for trans kids rights to healthcare and services. Just as it is illegal for parents to deny health services under the grounds of religious beliefs for other medical issues to their children, it should be illegal for parents to deny trans health services to their children as well. One of the problems I have with Leelahs suicide, was that Leelah believed that if she could not transition young enough to pass well, if she could not live up to a cultural standard of beauty for what it means to be a woman, that if she could not be a beautiful, pretty young woman, that her life as a woman would not be worth living. However, even those in the trans community who do transition when young, pass well and have beauty, still struggle with issues of self worth, shame, and stigma of being trans. As an older trans woman who transitioned in her 40s, I understand these feelings of living in, and being judged by a beauty culture. Life is more difficult, there is social stigma that I have to deal with, dating is more difficult. It does get me down at times. But I have found that life is still worth living. This year I turned 50. I have friends that transitioned in their mid 60s. One of the things I have noticed about aging is that the visual differences between men and women fade as you get older. Many older cis women in their 70s that I have spoken with described a point in their lives where one comes of age and does not give a shit about what other people think of their appearance or how pretty they are compared to other women. They value and define themselves for their character, their skills, what they can do to help others, their accomplishments, their relationships with the tribe they create made of close friends and signifiant other and not just blood relatives. They find meaning in their lives. I strive to find my tribe, come of age not give a shit about societal judgment, and to find value and worth in my accomplishments, to help others, and find meaning in my life. Just wish that Leelah gave herself this chance instead of searching for meaning in her life through her death. Kara
Posted on: Thu, 01 Jan 2015 15:28:31 +0000