#MyStory ....Like any other normal kid that came from the hood I had dreams .I had dreams of being a police man,I had dreams of being a doctor....Maybe when I was 7 years old but through my teens I dreamt of being a business manager .Papa had worked as a manager for Unilever then he went on to work at Sasko,from Sasko he went to Blue Ribbon then whilst there he was offered a good job which paid well working for Coke in Polokwane as a provincial manager .This saw us looking for a house in the leafy suburbs of Polokwane .We fell in love with an area called Bendor .It was more upmarket with beautiful houses .He ended up moving there alone in a suburb called Capricorn whilst we stayed in Midrand and he would visit us on weekends .This was in 1997 . Watching him through his achievements it made me aspire to be more like him .Watching papa succeed was what kept me going .But my mistake was to RELY on what Papa could always do for me .See dad has always been a hard worker .I mean he helped create the Sasko Sam concept whilst at Sasko .I really learned a lot from this man . I looked so much up to him that within his disappointments I let it cripple me and each time he stood up I was then again inspired .The problem was not knowing how to live up to the expectations of this GREAT man .Not knowing how to be like him .Some of us end up wanting to be more like our fathers also getting taken by the pressure of being like Papa .The older I got there were more disappointments .I had looked at my father as this perfect soul,this hero who was completely incapable of making any mistakes .It became a struggle facing the realities of his mistakes that I let it also impact on the young man I was growing to be and the man I could be .Again I was struggling with trying to get it right .Trying to be like Papa but where he failed I didnt know who to be or what to be . As years past I had to fight demons I never even knew existed .I had to confront the anger I had from some of his let downs .I saw myself being bitter and angry towards Papa .It really hurt me but the stubborn and arrogant character I was thought I am right .I saw myself being more and more impatient with him but I didnt know why .I didnt know why I didnt know how to speak to my father anymore . It only took until a year or 2 ago that I started making peace with certain things .I started understanding why I had been the way I was .I started understanding that the expectations I had in my dad were way too high that I forgot that like myself he is only human .In my being a father I have the very same pressure now .I understand the role I need to be play and trust me I am far from perfect .I am far from being the accomplished man that I want to be and my son sees a hero in me . Me and Papa are cool now .We talk about life and where we have failed .We talk about our dreams and what we still want to achieve .I am more honest with him about my feelings than I have ever been before .I am no longer angry with him .I am no longer bitter .In fact he has lost so much in the past years but I saw him fight just to keep us going .See Papa had everything .He exposed us to a very good life .Beautiful cars,fancy restaurants .I would be lying if I told you that I came from a poor background .But we were not rich either,we were just an average family where Mama and Papa had good jobs and they allowed those jobs to expose us to a decent life .We were well fed and well taken care of . But through his pursuit for business we lost a lot as a family .We had to adapt to certain things .Life became different .Being the arrogant and materialistic dude I had grown to be it was harder for me but see I never even understood how probably it was harder for my father who had been the good provider .I never understood how it was also hard for my mother . Only time allowed me to gain a deeper understanding of the dynamics that come with running a home and having a family .Very often we lose patience .Very often we tend to see things from a one sided angle where we make it just about ourselves . In fact writing this I realize how selfish I have been to both my mother and father I kept expecting even when I wasnt within the rights of having expectations .What Im trying to say here is I was raised a spoiled brat .That spoiled brat killed a lot of potential in me .That spoiled brat killed a lot of relationships he had .That spoiled brat hurt a lot of people that cared for him .Thats spoiled brat took a while to eventually grow up and start owning up and taking responsibility for his actions .......Should I continue ?
Posted on: Tue, 30 Sep 2014 07:38:56 +0000
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