New Year’s Eve, 2014--…..Starting that iconic chant…10-9-8-7-6-5 Now that we are on the other side of Christmas-- I have this yearly urge to look back at my life this year. As I cuddle with Max writing this list of blessings—Max, my 15 year old puppy is at the top--and I give into the luxurious feeling of his head propped in the arch of my foot making his own pillow in my warm woolen socks. I am not sure if he will be here next year when I write this list. And I won’t think about that loss—or any loss tonight. Along with the blessing of Paul, family, friends, faith, a job that helps with food and shelter--I count what my mom calls ‘Space book’ as another one of these blessings. I like hanging out here—escaping into this world where it seems that we are talking about petty things but we are really talking about everything we share. I like the jokes—the one liners, making friends/family laugh—think, cry—feel—I like that they do that back for me. I like the inspirational quotes and videos—the music videos and the pet and stupid videos. I like that I can keep up with family—my nieces blog, the funny and sad things that happen to my nephew and nieces say—and their photo-s—not just school photos—but daily life photos! I like the innocent flirting out here, the throw away lines, the teasing—even the comments that are just plain wrong—and sometimes get worse or deleted…I like reading a lot of opinions….I like that some people live like they know what they are doing—I like the un-sure. I like the people that are able to stand up and say, “This is my truth—this is how I feel and I am being honest.” I like the people that just don’t know. I like that there are people I can lift up—that lift me up—agree with me, disagree with me—say inappropriate not perfect things. I like that all these things are me and I am a part of something universal—a larger imperfection –and that makes me SO happy. What I have found this year is that everyone’s life has it messed up stories, mine included. We can choose to not write the stories that aren’t perfect—can choose not to share them. We can take pretty photos instead—we can write pretty poems—we can tell pretty stories to lift ourselves up—--fight against the things that tear us down. But what is new to me is this freedom of writing the not so fun stories—embracing the places I hide from the fear that life creates. I like that my soul craves the romanticism to escape and the humor-- but I also like that there is a new fearlessness in me which helps me face my own imperfections and demons. I like that even though the world is big and the fear is big….this sharing ‘out here’ makes it smaller for me—and hopefully others. I will be thinking about that tonight when that ball drops—knowing I did the best I could not to ‘drop the ball’. This life is hard and fun and good. And I am alive. And if you are reading this—so are you. And that means anything can happen. We can try and make it good. This year, anything can happen….Happy New Year friends.
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 23:26:39 +0000
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