No one truly loves me. Love is about sacrifice and no one is willing to give up the comfort of their own life to try and save me from my insanity. I am expected to be the strong one. But when I am weak and worn and torn, I must face the demons alone. I am left alone with my pain turning to rage. Satan lives in my home because my family invites him in. I cannot escape. I am tormented in my dwellings and I have no where to run. No one to put their kindness in action to comfort me. Just telling me,"everything will be okay" is not enough anymore. I will not be okay as long as I am forced to fight these demons all around. Maybe I belong in a mental institution. I was content there. I shared similar heartaches with the patients. I got to share tears and consoling hugs with some. (Even though physical contact was not permitted and had to watch my back from the staff, but I needed comfort so I was willing to steal a quick hug). I need to be around ppl who can give me affection and keep me sane. I have nothing or no one here. The worst feeling in the world is not wanting to live anymore. This is my struggle and I cannot be ashamed to cry out for help. I am too weak to pray for myself anymore. Im used to praying for others anyway. Where is my help when I need it? I cannot weather this storm alone. I dont expect this to change anyones actions. I just need to get these feelings out some kind of way.
Posted on: Thu, 13 Jun 2013 03:17:08 +0000
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