(No reply or response needed) Im not looking for sympathy or a ego stroke but a man can only take so much and do so much untill he is about to snap . I been told I am acting to relaxed about the position Myah and I are in, that I am not acting aggressive enough towards DHS, I do call my attorney begging him to file motions to speed this heart wrenching shit up and bring Myah back home to me 100% of the time and I push on DHS to give me more days and longer times with Myah as she sits there in front of the FSRP worker and foster parent begging me to let her come home. I have to breathe deep and talk very controlled to her as she does this and assure her I want her here in our house with our pets and her toys, I am doin what I can to bring her back. This take a huge toll on me emotionally and physically that I cant explain to ANYONE, my mind goes in to overdrive and I sleep maybe 2 to 4 hours a day. No I am NOT on dope period and have no desire to even go there , I seem to have been given a front row seat to see its devastation on our town as it is ,( I live on the damn eastside of Des Moines, Iowa by the fairgrounds . ) and dont need to compound my problems . Sure I have lost over 60 lbs in a matter of a month but I am so damned depressed I dont want to eat like I used to . I try to find things for me to do to keep my mind from going to a vengeful place and pray for peace in my heart and mind knowing I did this to my daughter by trying to keep some kind of relationship between her and her mother and even though the mothers rights was terminated, I was told that when I felt it ok for Myah to see her mom it was my discretion when and where that would happen and how. Well as many know I did allow some contact between the mother and Myah and I did take steps to assure it safe for our child but some family members got their feelings all messed up and out of hate or anger they called DHS and raised a stink over what I had done and yes DHS removed Myah from my home. I later found out from my lawyer that Myahs sister from her mother was very instrumental in this as well ( again ) as my own sister. I struggle daily to forgive these two but I refuse to let them back in to our lives. The only person getting hurt here is Myah not me and not the mother, I dont feel they thought they was gonna hut Myah but hurt me and the mother, well guess what? Its hurting a innocent baby girl , no one else. I have begged the courts for a NO CONTACT order on several occasions and the judge refuses to grant one on the ground there is no violence between us and that I need to establish a healthy relationship with healthy boundries , I guess this is the double edge sword here because in our last court hearing the judge leaned to me when I pointed this out and said . So there is no confussion Mr. Montoya , I will just tell you simply , at no time no way shall there ever be contact between the mother and child , I will NOT issue a no contact order because I am telling you this now . The DHS worker also added that if at anytime after our case closes and the mother and child have contact that they will come back into our life and open a new case and do the same thing over again . I could see if I beat my kids or starved them or emotionally neglected them or was drinking or on dope but I dont do none of this and to those that have seen me with Myah know I am one hell of a dad and she is happy and healthy with me. DHS is not a good thing and I pray someone inside of it starts to do some micro management of the workers and setting limitations on what they are allowed to do and not do . So the next person who wants to say I am much to calm for what im goin through I say this . Come live a day in my life and lets see you NOT kill anyone including yourself ! ! ! not saying I am suicidal but stress can kill a man . And all this compounded by finacialy being strapped and maxed out on credit doesnt help much at all either . Thanks for the avenue to vent I pray to God he gives me strength , courage and forgiveness to make it past this and keep moving forward. Like ROCKY BALBOA once said, Its doesnt matter how hard you can hit but how hard of a hit you can take and keep moving forward . Im still goin.
Posted on: Sun, 14 Dec 2014 18:58:55 +0000
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