Notice of default. What that does to your pride and how you would feel if people knew that is close to how I feel about killing our baby. But you couldnt keep that one thing that you know cut me so deep. I still have nightmares about it. You and your family and Shan continue to hurt me. My sister knows, ash, and God knows who else because you chose not to protect that one thing that you knew killed me. I was willing to do anything for you. I would have literally given my life for you. I would have given you anything I possess without even questioning it. But not only to you but to your family. And you chose to let them do even more damage than what you did to me when you left me with no reason. It really makes me question what I ever meant to you. And that is what hurts the most. I really meant nothing. All I asked from you was a conversation. A reason why my world crumbled. The crazy thing is I still would do anything for you. Without a question. Why? Because my love was real. My love was deep. And I wonder why yours wasnt. Your words were there. only the actions didnt follow. There is an option I am not sure you know about that might help you out a little. But again I cant even get a conversation. The answer to the why that keeps me up at night. The quotes on your wall are nice, but I know its killing you. I know it is. Its killing you like you leaving me killed me. you write your little comments on your girlfriends posts. You know I can see them. And I know you enjoy hurting me. Ill never understand why. I guess I just have to learn that love to me is different. It means more. That is why I will never allow myself to love again. But still, still, after every tear, after every bit of pain I feel, I would still lay down everything I have for you. Because thats what love is. I guess I just hope that if anything you take away from knowing me is, dont tell people things they want to hear. Be sincere. If you dont mean it dont say it. Words are temporary. Actions are forever. And I hope I showed you the damage that can be done by your words. I will never be the same person. The one thing that made me who I am is gone. Because of your words. I believed them. If I could move into a 500 dollar apartment and give you the rest in hopes that she would forgive me for what I did and because I care for you that much I would. But I can never forgive you not giving me a reason. You not giving me a chance to ever love again. Because I live in fear that I will never know what I did wrong and I cant risk doing it again. You leaving me brought back all the pain of my mother leaving me. I never thought I would feel that pain again. Only its not like you died. Its like I did. And you didnt come to my funeral. You didnt put a flower on my casket. I died and you dont care. only I dont know why I died.....when I loved you so much. I loved you so much. I still do. Things can be forgiven. Things can be made right. But your pride will hold you back from doing that. I know you believe in Karma. When she was pregnant you told me that. This is proof it exists. You can still make things write. She was the victim, I dont deny that. And I know I am looked at as the bad person to you, her, and your family. Even to my family for being so dumb. I know you will continue to blame me for all of this. And to make me look as bad as possible in order to recover some of your goodness. But in reality you know we both are victims. And you know you and you alone are the one that made us victims. You did irrepairable damage to the both of us. Yes maybe you are trying to make it right with her. But Im a human to. You may not love me, but you made me believe you did. And you didnt make it right with me, or worse with my daughter. Who you made believe also. So see your words, your words, affected more lives than just me. I know you dont care about me or what happens to me. But Yas....How is it right for her to not know why you left. She is 9 years old and 2 men have walked out on her. Really on me, but she feels the pain. She doesnt understand how you could tell her so much and just disappear. She too knows the pain of death now. You havent made it right and Karma knows that. I love you Joe. I do. But im disappointed. Im disappointed that the man I thought was so strong is now so weak. That you run and hide instead of standing up like a man and facing your wrongs. Putting a picture of her up doesnt fix you. My sister saw it, lots of people have. And all it shows is the secrets you kept. for years. If you can live with it and have peace in your heart, ok. But I know you cant. I am loyal to the death. But you did me wrong. You did her wrong. Making it right with one and not the other does not make you a better man. No matter if you ever loved me or not you...you made me believe you did. And Yas to.
Posted on: Tue, 15 Oct 2013 01:57:35 +0000
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