OK, this may be a bit long. It is dealing with grief and support from others. Feel free to click past ;) I was getting my laundry together and thinking of a precious friend who is in a bit of an emotional turmoil right now. She was hurt very badly in a work incident and is very lucky to not have lost a leg. I have another precious friend that her husband was bit by a 6 foot rattle snake last year and he is so lucky to be ALIVE, much less all with the same limbs he went into that critical care unit with. Then I have the ones I absolutely adore that have suffered the TERRIBLE, GREAT loss with the death of a loved one including my precious husband, my best friend, another precious friend who lost her son in a terrible accident (right before he was to leave for college) and another precious friend who lost her son to suicide. Firstly, I want to speak right to us who want to offer support to those who are at a loss, emotionally. First, please never say I understand how you must feel! We simply cannot, unless we have been in THEIR shoes and suffered their SAME loss. Even then, I think everyone grieves differently and the situation is NOT about us, it is about THEM and THEIR grief. Maybe saying I went through a similar situation and I remember how hard my struggle was! Im here to listen? THEN we need to LISTEN and offer comfort. Dont forget about them after you say that and make those words meaningless? Check up on them. Let them know you are thinking about them. Other useless sayings are things like God has a reason for everything! (Ever heard of free-will? God may be just as heartbroken as the person grieving) or They are in a better place! (By whos opinion? When you are suffering a loss, that is NOT comforting!) Secondly, with Robin Williams suicide, it made me realize how opinionated people can be and if you have never suffered that kind of loss, sometimes it may be best to just keep opinions to yourself? Ask yourself *Is my opinion going to help anyone heal or improve their emotional state?* ? If it isnt, why would you intentionally want to pour salt in someones wound who is already hurting so badly? Thirdly, if you truly dont know what to say, there is NOTHING wrong with telling the hurting person just that!!! But let them know you are there to listen if they need a sounding board. Now I want to speak to the griever. Firstly, if someone says they understand how you feel, please understand they really dont and say a prayer that they NEVER have to feel your pain! Secondly, when people who love you want to offer their support, allow them. It is SUCH a blessing to them to be able to comfort someone they care about and I can guarantee, it will BLESS you too. I know through my sister being missing 40 years (tomorrow actually) I have heard so often, and even thought this myself before, One day I hope you get closure!, then comes my brothers murder. WOW, I thought WAY different after that one! If I knew my sister fought for her life, along with her friend, and then was brutally murdered... that is not Closure. THAT is truly when the pain begins!!! Not knowing must be the worst thing in the World!??? Really? I can tell you NO!!! KNOWING is the worst thing in the World!! I can somehow live with rose-colored glasses hoping my sweet sister and her precious friend may sache home one day and be well! Silly I know, but then again, the point of my writing this is to make others understand.... IF YOU HAVE NOT LIVED A SITUATION, YOU JUST CANNOT UNDERSTAND!!!!! Plain and simple! Losing my Mother is the most common thing I have been through, yet how common is that? Many that I love still have their parent or parents. Some have lost their Mother, yet my grief (I am sure) is STILL different than their grief! OK, DIANE???? What is your point here??? My point is simple. Be kind to others. Be thoughtful of others! Allow your present pain to help you grow, so YOU can help others grieve when they need it! PRAY that tragedies like the ones you have been through do not happen to anyone you love, BUT if they do... your pain has TRAINED you how to support that loved one in a much more efficient manor. It has made you compassionate! This World LACKS compassion!!! I have to shout out to two that I love... Denise Novak Kail and Joni Hazelette. I want to thank you wonderful ladies for taking my pitiful attempts to comfort you both with SUCH GRACE!!!! I know I fell short in so many ways of even trying to understand the loss of a child and offer support, but you two ladies were more than gracious at even allowing me the attempt! XOXO
Posted on: Thu, 14 Aug 2014 20:24:29 +0000
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