Observations about being sick with both a respiratory illness AND a stomach bug (because fate was not kind enough to also inflict temporary insanity). I was too weak to share them as they came to me -- as they came to me in waves like the nausea that made me long for the relief that only death could bring: -- Pausing from puking just long enough to blow ones nose gives new meaning to blowing chunks. -- My gut felt like a sword swallower who sneezed in the middle of a performance. -- The last time I puked this much, Ford was in the White House and I was in diapers. Briefly I panicked at the thought that Jimmy Carter was considering a 2016 run. -- David loves me, but not enough to take Morgan to a hotel and just burn the house down with me in it, no matter how hard I beg. He should have saved himself and our daughter to preserve the bloodline. -- IIImmm dddyyyiiinnnggg!!! {obligatory overly-dramatic sympathy-fishing} -- I am leaking as though I took a roll down a hill in an Iron Maiden. If that had been presented as an alternative, I would have taken it. -- One more day of this and I will get back into my skinny jeans. From 1980. I will also be able to ROCK that, If you think Im cute, you should see my mommy, onesie. -- As I knelt at the porcelain throne, I considered some inventory management concepts I learned in business classes in college: First In First Out (FIFO) is what happens when you are healthy. Last In First Out (LIFO) is what happened to me on Wednesday -- and did not stop until the inventory was liquidated and the warehouse was empty. -- Maybe Ill just have some soup, will forever rank as the dumbest thing I have ever said. Ever. -- It is very hard to puke when you cant breathe through your nose. -- Red, raw throat + vomiting the last bit of bile left in ones body = HELL (I forgot bile is yucky green. Merry Christmas.) THERE. I think thats it. Sorry if youre reading this while eating your oatmeal. Ugh...oatmeal. I gotta go. NOW.
Posted on: Thu, 04 Dec 2014 14:46:01 +0000
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