Oh here! I am leaving you guys something to read again before I go away.. ;) Keep yourself busy and let us continue to pray for patay na patay na someone for us. #dearmissjane Dear Sis Jane, Hello How are you? Thank you for sharing my moms story sa iba. I really appreciate yung mga advice and comments ng mga kababayan natin. Ive been thinking over and over again, since I saw the other day na wala kang ma i post na inspiring na story. I dont have one, Im sorry to disappoint you. But I want to share to you my sad love story. This is not something Im proud of, and many times in my life I had wished that if only I cant turn back time and do it all over again, Id make sure to do it the right way. Ikaw na ang bahalang mag palit na names and places na nasa story na ito. Sana, makarating it so mga tao out there na meron BF/GF or asawa na hindi man perfect pero napakabait sa kanila but they somehow manage na naneneglect itong tao na ito kahit hindi nila sinasadya. Sana maging eye opener sa kanila ang stoy na i she-share ko ngayon. --- After I graduated high school in an American school in JAPAN, my family and I moved here in SWITZERLAND. That was 2004. My parents bought a house in a province, and so we settled here in this peaceful country side. My step-father enrolled us (my sister and I) to a university that is 2 and a half hours away from home to study French language. We rented a small studio and we would come home during holidays. My sister and I found a church near our school, its a protestant church. Minsan tinatamad akong pumunta kasi hindi ko sila maintindihan dahil french ang service nila. There, we made friends, mga kabataan na hindi na lalayo sa edad din namin. Americans, Japanese and other lahi. And thats where I met this cute couple Samuel and Dana. Hindi ko sila makalimutan dahil napaka sweet nila sa isat isa. And I love how Dana, pronounce Samuels name; Seym-mwel, and yung isa naman ang tawag sa kanya, Dey-nuh. Ininvite namin sila sa studio namin, along with other people to have a small Bible study group. That night, nung pag uwi na ng lahat, I said a prayer to God, and it goes something like this: Dear God, sana po pag nagkaroon ako ng BF, sana ang pangalan nya rin ay Samuel, so I could call him Seym-mwel as well. In Jesus name I pray, Amen Natatawa ako sa sarili ko nun. I know, I know, parang napaka babaw na prayer, pero natutuwa talaga ako sa mag couple na yun. Months passed by, naging uso ang Friendster. I made a group account sa friendster, para sa mga naging ka batch ko nung nag high school ako sa Pinas. It was really fun to see my old friends and classmates get together again though Friendster. And I know everyone, except for this one person. His name is Samuel B. One day, he PM me, and asked me if I know Jason (our classroom president in high school, in my section). And I said yes, then he asked if we went to the same elementary school, kasi parehas kami ng name ng elementary school. But I told him no, dahil nag graduate ako ng elementary sa Ilocos. Pero sinabi ko na kilala ko si Jason dahil ka klase ko sya ng high school and mag ka section kami. Then he said, thats impossible, because hes in my section too, and Ive never seen you before! So tinanong ko sya, Are you sure youre referring to Jason R. ? and he said, Yes! So it became a mystery to us for couple of weeks how we went to the same school, be in the same section and have the same friends and classmates yet we have never met in class nor in the compound of our school. We exchanged emails and next thing u know weeks passed by, walang katapusang kwentuhan about our high school year and yung mga dati naming ka klase and mga naging teachers. Its amazing. Until napag tagpi tagpi na lang namin based sa mga story namin sa life na actually hindi kami nag kita noon dahil yung day na nag stop sya mag punta ng school is the day naman na dumating ako as a new student na bagong transfer. Dahil hinihintay na nya yung petition nya para mag stay na sa Canada. Meron pa yung days na mapag kukwentuhan namin yung nasunog na palengke sa bayan, kahit na wala na sya nun sa klase ko, andun pa rin sya bayan, so alam pa rin nya yung nangyayari. I even mentioned to him na I used to have a crush to this guy name Roger sa klase namin, And he asked me ano last name, then I said Roger C. Then bigla na lang sya bubunghalit ng tawa sabay, hes my best friend nung high school! Hahaha! Funny… And thats how our friendship started. Thanks to Friendster. Because of me nag usap ulit sila ng best friend nya after many many years na walang connection. Kinontak ko sa Phone si Roger and nag chat kami online. After that, Samuel and I exchanged emails, texted, called each other, video chat, and even write letters, like postal letters LOL. We chatted sa yahoo messenger, hindi pa uso dati ang skype. We talked for hours, minsan uma abot ng 14 hours. Napaka ganda ng connection naming, parang hindi kami na uubusan ng mga kwento. May mga times na may mga nangyayari na parang mystery sa amin. Like, one time nag uusap kami ang he mentioned na masakit left knee nya kasi nabangga nya somewhere or something, then (i know this sounds corny but its true, or maybe its just a coincidence?) ako naman akala ko nag bibiro sya, dahil in fact masakit din tuhod ko at that time coz nag bike ako and nahulog ako sa kanal ang tumama yung tuhod ko. Of course i shared this to him and we dont have any explanation of things. or Dahil nasa school ko pa nun, i spend most of my time studying or doing homeworks (kunwari), tapos pag na alala ko sya i would grab my phone and akmang mag t-text ako sa kanya when 2 seconds later naka recieve na ako ng txt sa kanya saying Thinking of you… Tapos matatawa na lang… Parang parehas kasi kami ng isip and hindi lang ako nakapansin kundi sya rin. Hindi ko na matandaan kung kelan naging kami, I wish matandaan ko. Pero nung naging kami, I was soooo in love na sa kanya sis Jane. Sa almost 2 years namin together na long distance relationship, we never fought, pag may misunderstanding kami, wala pang 24 hours na aayos na ka agad. I was his very first GF. Nakapa swerte ko nung panohong iyon. Napaka bait nya. and I was really in love. Yung feeling na, kahit na gaano pa kapangit araw mo ay gumaganda ito makausap mo lang, marinig mo lang boses ng taong mahal mo. Parang solve na ulit! Haaayy! One time nag aayos ako ng mga dati kong notes na galing pa sa Japan and this small paper fell down sa isa sa mga notebooks ko. And nakasulat doon lahat ng mga traits na gusto ko sa isang guy. I think I was 16 or 17 nung sinulat ko yun (4 years before I met Samuel). It was letter i made during retreat camp (or something) namin, a teacher asked us (girls) to write down kung ano yung dream guy namin. So i wrote all stuff that I could ever think of sa isang perfect guy. Sweet thoughtful Caring Loving Doesnt Smoke Christian Patient Understanding Faithful Remembers dates and every occasions Tall Dark Handsome with Dimples etc etc And lahat ng list na yun is what describes Samuel. I was overwhelmed with happiness. I wish I could stop my story there… But alas, not all love stories have happy endings Mag t-2 years na kami, pero hindi pa kami nag me meet in person. Nakikita lang namin ang isat isa thru webcam. Na lulong ako sa bisyong web and graphics design. Wala na akong time na kausapin sya, minsan pinapasa ko na yung phone sa mom ko para mag usap sila. Hes actually cool, napapatawa nya mom ko. I even made a blog para doon nya na lang i lagay mga emails nya sa akin dahil everyday ata syang nag susulat sa akin bukod pa sa nag papadala sya ng real letters sa mail box namin, and nag te-text sya every day, and almost everyday din syang tumatawag, wala pa dun yung chat online. So doon na sya nag susulat ng mga love letters nya sa akin. Hanggang ngayon buhay pa yng blog na yun. Malapit na akong matapos sa schooling ko and I had to go to an internship. Dito kami naging hindi na ok. The internship was in Zurich, actually 1 hour from Zurich. There, I worked with a guy na snob sya pero saksakan ng gwapo. He has these pairs of sky blue eyes na hindi ko makalimutan and suddenly yung mga bad nyang ugali ay hindi ko nakita, like paninigarilyo nya and pagiging hot tempered nya. Then one night nag ka invite-an ang mga kasamahan ko sa work na mag clubbing. The guys invited the girls to go, but the girls didnt wanna go pag hindi ako kasama. My boyfriend then, Samuel, didnt want me to go. Sabi nya sa akin, Hindi mo type yung ganung lugar, besides adun lahat ng mga pinaka hate mo… Pero I ignored him dahil I found out that Mr. Blue Eyes is coming too. So pumunta ako dun, it was my VERY first time na pumasok sa club and my first impression is, it sucks! Hindi ako maka hinga sa usok ng mga sigarilyo. Pero at the back of my head, I was hoping and wishing nasa mapansin ako ni Mr. Blue Eyes kahit na mag exchange lang kami ng conversation. Pero nope, none, nada. Later on that night I found out that he went home with one of our co workers who is African. I was really disappointed, sa isip ko, bakit yung babae pa na yun, nakakainis yung babaeng yung, andami naman mas cute na babae kesa sa babaing yun bakit sya pa? i guess nalasing ako that night coz I remember telling Samuel about sa pag ka inis ko sa babaeng yun and how disappointed I was dahil yun pa kinama ni Mr. Blue Eyes. And hindi ko man lang insip kahit isang beses kung masasaktan ko si Samuel. Few days nakaraan madalang na syang mag message sa akin. Then nung nag usap kami sa phone, na laman ko na lang na nasaktan ko na pala sya and he was even crying. And i felt so stupid. So so so stupid. Then doon na nag umpisa ang hindi namin pag kakasundo madalas. Hanggang nag break up kami dahil masyado ng madaming alitan. Then we got back ulit pero broke up ulit dahil sa may nag ka gusto sa kanya sa Canada and gusto nya rin yung babae. Hanggang tuluyan na syang nakipag break up sa akin, that was April 2007, hindi ko makalimutan kasi yung yung time na nag re review na ako sa final exams ko dahil malapit na akong matapos ng school, and at the same time nag kasakit ako for almost one month after getting back from Morocco, school field trip namin. Yun din yung time na nakipag break up sya sa akin. Ansakit sakit, an sakit sakit talaga nung time na yun… from 72 kg, naging 57kg na lang ako in just 1-2 months. Hanggang ngayon pag na aalala ko, ansakit sakit pa rin. Ansakit sakit isipin ng memories na yun. Sabi nila, what Samuel and I had, wasnt real so it would be easy for me to move on kasi we never met naman daw in the first place. Hindi alam ng mga taong yun sinasabi nila. Pag na iisip ko, napapa bwisit tuloy ako sa kanila. Right now, Im in this same room, same house, while Im writing this, and its like, binabaha yung isip ko ng mga pangit na memories na yun. Yung pain, and tears. Almost every night and every day I cried to bed. I told him that I was sorry and I wanted our relationship to work again but its too late sis Jane, its too late. Meron na syang iba. I have never loved anyone before the way I have loved him. Meron yung nag darasal ako umiiyak, hinihiling ko kay God many many times na sana Hell take away the pain. 6 years passed sis Jane, and sa 6 years na yun, we kept in touch from time to time. Kuntento naman na ako nun na nakikipag usap pa rin sya akin. I dont know kung may GF or wala I never asked. Ako naman, 10 ang naging BFs ko nun… mga relationships na hindi seryoso at tumatagal lang ng 2 weeks to 6 months. Gustong gusto ko na mag ka balikan sana kami, pero ayaw ko na sa akin mang galing yung words. I waited sa 6 years if hed come and asked me. But, wala ako narinig. I had BFs and he knew na none of them is real. Maybe he tried but i dont remember dahil sariwa pa yung sakit na nararamaman ko noon. Can you imagine? 3 years na ang nakaraan and umiiyak pa rin ako hanggang sa pag tulog. I waited and waited.. till 10 months ago, I met a guy in Philippines, a childhood friend, hes nice and kind. He seems to like me a lot but I dont want to give him hopes so I told him right away what kind of complicated person i am and that i dont do long distance relationship. But he insisted and so I didnt have a lot of choice but to go along with it since nakita na rin sya ng mga relatives ko sa Pinas. Akala ko pag balik ko ng Zurich ay matatapos din lahat pero nag kakamali ako at gusto pa nya akong pakasalan ka agad. I got excited sa idea ng wedding. I love weddings! Hindi ko na inisip kung in love ba ako sa taong ito or hindi. And I said yes, kahit wala pang engagement ring. But later on, nung nasa Zurich na ako, nag bago na isip ko so I told him I will think about it. Napaka impulsive ko and ako na ata pinaka tanggang tao sa mundo. Hindi pa ako na kuntento at pinamalita ko pa sa ex kong si Samuel. He said he was happy for me and everything. Minsan at the end of his msg hed still say yung code words namin to say i love you, hed say 2 words. It makes me smile but I dont know what to think kasi wala naman syang binabanggit sa aking iba. (Kung pwede lang) Gusto ko ring marinig sa kanya na yung kagaya ng sinabi ni Pip kay Estella sa The Great Expectation Ive never ceased to love you. Even when there seemed no hope for my love. You are part of my existence, part of myself. We belong to each other. Lets start again. Together. *sigh* Kung lahat sana ng love stories ay kagaya ng ending ng The Great Expectation… haaayy… Sinabi ko nun sa kanya na wag na kaming mag usap kasi gusto ko mag concentrate dito sa bago kong relationship. Pero hindi rin nangyari kasi pag hindi ko sya kausap, na mimiss ko sya. So tuloy pa rin communication namin, as friends, kahit madalang ng mag usap. Then weeks ago, he texted me saying na gusto na nyang mag paalam sa communication namin dahil may plan sya sa future nya and hindi nya magawa gawa iyon hanggat kausap pa nya ako. So basically he asked me not to msg him anymore. I waited days before ako nag reply and then I told him hes being unfair. Although hindi ko rin alam ang sasabihin ko at iisipin ko. Na shock ata ako. Ito na ba talaga ang end ng story namin ni Samuel? Parang hindi ko ata kayang tanggapin na hindi ko na ulit makakausap yung only person na tinuring ko ng parang soulmate. Then last night nag text sa akin yung isa nyang best friend nya saying, na kalimutan ko na si Samuel and wag ko na ulit kontakin pa dahil hes in love na raw with someone else and hes having a great relationship with this person and mahihirapan syang i continue iyon pag nag uusap pa rin kami. (And madami pa syang sinabi na masakit para sa akin ulitin). Andito ako sa same room, same room I had when we broked up 6 years ago, and now, parang deja vu ulit. nakatitig ulit ako sa same ceiling, sapo sapo ang puso ko na I dont even remember now how many times ng nadurog. Naisip ko, siguro nga ito na yung end namin. Tapos na siguro yung pag hihintay ko. Yung pag aasam ko na mag kabalikan pa kami. Para akong si Basha sa One More Chance Pwede ko bang i quote? *** Popoy: Eh ano nga kasi ang problema? Basha : Gusto mo ba talagang malaman? Ako! ako yung problema! Kasi nasasaktan ako kahit di naman ako dapat nasasaktan. Sana kaya ko nang tiisin yung sa akin na nararamdaman ko, kasi ako namili nito diba? Ako yung may gusto. Sana kaya ko nang sabihin sa iyo na masaya ako para sa iyo, para sa inyo. Sana kaya ko. Sana kaya ko, pero hindi eh. Sama sama kong tao kasi ang totoo, umaasa pa rin ako sa piling mo. Sana ako pa rin.Ako na lang. Ako na lang ulit. Popoy: Mahal ko si Trisha. Basha: Alam ko. Popoy: She had me at my worst. You had me at my best. Pero binalewala mo lang lahat yun. Basha: Popoy, ganun ba talaga ang tingin mo? I just made a choice? Popoy : And you chose to break my heart. *** Madaming beses, napakadaming beses ko pinag pray kay God na sana, sana ibalik nya yung time para I will choose to be wise and not break his heart. But then again, lesson learned na lang sa akin ito. Yup, napakasakit na lesson. Right now, may bago akong BF and wala akong nilihim sa kanya sa mga nararamdaman ko sa kanya at sa naging ex ko kay Samuel. I told him that I hope in time, kung ano man will ni God, sana makalimot na rin ako. Dati, lagi kong sabi, it took me 3 years para maka move on sa relationship na yun, now I realized, 6 years na ang nakakalipas and hindi pa pala ako nakaka move on. Hindi ako nakakatagal sa relationship dahil every guy na ma meet ko ay hinahanap ko yung ugali ni Samuel sa kanila. There is no one like him. Sana nakita ko yun noon, sana hindi ko ni neglect yung mga efforts nya noon na tumwag sa akin almost everyday kahit na na uubos na pang allowance nya para lang makausap ako sa phone. Sana.. andaming sana.. Maraming salamat sa time sa pagbabasa.. nakakalubag ng loob na meron na pag she-share an ng mga pains natin dito sa mundo.. kahit hindi natin kilala ang isat isa..
Posted on: Thu, 28 Nov 2013 06:30:12 +0000
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