Oh the thoughts the emerge from depression I think Ill just give in Its funny how when things look ok they arent and when they dont look ok its too late, how something that takes so much time and effort doesnt last enough to make repairs seem worth it knowing that though lows pass so do the highs is it worth achieving a goal if the outcome is the same in failing keeping outside appearance is only important to elude the inevitable awkward position of explaining, and then discussing the same itll pass and if you need someone Im here lectures that are just as hoped for haste by one side as the other, on one side you know that itll pass, and things will go in another direction, but whos to say that is a good direction either, or knowing how to prepare for when it isnt so bad and knowing that because you arent able to do those things right now because your hopelessness leaves you not willing to do them, adding to your inevitable unending hopelessness, so now is your dilemma an issue you should complain about, whine about how your life is not worth living, when you know the answers, and how to is just a list of things youre unwilling to do, so you can look me in the face with concern and then criticize when Ive gone that hes not willing to help himself or doesnt he realize we all go through this well I do, but that doesnt mean I have the same coping skills you do, and even if I do my rationality is right, not that yours isnt, but if life has an end and I didnt want to make a mark worthy of notation on this world then I am a pointless existence, unlike some I just wish that I wasnt drawn to instinct to survive or afraid to survive an attempt at death, everything I read about suicide says if it hasnt passed in X days blah blah blah, well, for better than 70% of 10 years Ive had the same feeling and its not passed, sometimes subsided, but always there, so when do I finally decide its time for my real attempt as a pose to holding the tools Id use and just be too afraid of embarrassment and ridicule after a failed attempt, I dont want help getting or feeling better Ive been getting that help for 20 years what I want is to stop!!!
Posted on: Mon, 13 Oct 2014 02:16:11 +0000
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