Ok, just been stiffed for that 7 facts about me that a lot of people wont know so here goes---------- 1. I used to be a professional groom and rode out with Mark Todd 2. I grew up in Aden, South Yemen, Malta and Cyprus 3. Spent 12 years in the Royal Air Force which has given me some proper friends, not just friends, comrades 4. I used to play the trumpet 5. I have been called Doctor Dolittle because of my relationship, empathy and understanding of animals 6. I have been arrested by Snowdrops for the attempted assassination of an officer, by Dutch border guards for wiping my arse on my NATO travel order and a Canadian Mountie for the abduction of a Christmas tree 7. People that know me think I have been wired up all wrong, this following passage probably explains me best---- I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute biscuits in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by Chelsea, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When Im bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after college, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I dont perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won on deal or no deal. Last summer I toured Cornwall with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat average 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me, I like to lick batteries and contribute to the green ideal through recycling my underpants by leaving them in Marks and sparks. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for MI5. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on holiday in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I harvest termites,I wrote the thesis for the spacing of holes in tennis rackets, the colour blue makes me fit, on off days I stand motionless counting raindrops. The tide has been known to follow me, I can stroke bedclothes and predict what the former occupents ate for supper. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a sandwich toaster. I breed prizewinning bearded clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. I also lie my arse off!
Posted on: Sun, 25 Jan 2015 18:32:11 +0000
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