Ok, so I will apologize in advance for the possible rambling and length of this post, but I have a lot swimming around my head and want to get it out, so here goes.... I am done with chemo. I am actually done. finished, hopefully forever and ever with chemo. It is really sinking in today and even just now how real that is and I am overwhelmed with emotion and joy to think this part is finally behind me. It has been 6 months since my diagnosis on January 9th. Since my initial exam I got on Dec 27th 2013 I have undergone: physical breast exams ultrasounds full MRI about 30 mammograms in one day just 2 days after birth 3 ultrasound guided biopsies 1 MRI guided biopsy CT scan Bone scan surgery to put in my portacath 4 AC chemo treatments (bi weekly) almost a full week in the hospital with too many pricks n tests 12 Taxol treatments (weekly) multiple visits to Dr.s for checkups and help with side effects/sickness taken more medicine than I have ever had in my entire life losing my hair losing most of my eyelashes and eyebrows exhaustion, menopausal effects, and my brain being so foggy fear, sadness, guilt and confusion and how to feel/deal with it all and all sorts of other side effects and changes I dont list these to whine or to try and gain sympathy or impress anyone with my challenges I have had. I honestly need to put them all down to believe it and remember it myself since it has been such a blur and this page has served as a way to express my feelings and so I will be able to better recall these events in the future. Thru all the negatives though, I have been showered with so much generous love! I know I have mentioned this in my comments but it still is completely in-comprehensive to me how much so many have given to me and I will be forever in debt to you all. I truly dont feel like I will ever be caught up with with trying to give back for all that I have received. I am so thankful for all the good in this world. I have had to face fears of death and/or chronic illness/re-occurrence,etc. My safe and healthy bubble has been burst. But it has given me great peace those times I have completely trusted God, let go and realized that this life of mine on this Earth isnt it for me. It is just for a short time here in this world compared to my life in Heaven. This may be a bit heavy or seem overly dramatic. I have no plans of going anywhere anytime soon and will be fighting every day to be here! But I am grateful to have been given this gift of facing this reality of death because it has given me such perspective and in a way such power and relief to have a glimpse of knowing where I stand and where I really want to be. I have been determined to make something positive out of this situation and some days that has been hard to do. But I know in my heart I will come out stronger on the other side. I will come out wiser. I will come out of this with a more grateful heart for the good days, the good times and everything that is a blessing in my life. I will work harder to build a closer relationship to God and to be sure my children know Him. So my surgery is on the horizon (Aug 4) and I still am unsure what my decision and options are concerning a single mastectomy or a bilateral (both) and the following reconstruction path. I meet with the plastic surgeon on the 16th so options will be clearer but my decision has really been causing anxiety and fear of what is best. I feel like I know all the pros/cons and they have been just running a circle in my head this week. But today I made the conscious decision to put that aside as best I can, check out of Cancerville for a few days, celebrate being done with chemo, really enjoy my family at events we have this weekend and give this decision to God and thank Him for all that is good in my life :)
Posted on: Fri, 11 Jul 2014 01:47:15 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015