Ok this is not a plea for understanding; request for forgiveness; an attempt at apologizing; request of spiritual intervention; or anything like that, this is a warning to well meaning and overly zealous lover of the holidays. I honestly wish I could fall asleep the day before I can feel/ sense/ smell fall coming and wake up on good Friday. Yes I want to skip Thanksgiving, New Years, Halloween, Valentines Day, My Own Birthday, and strike me dead now Christmas. I HATE THE HOLIDAYS! Nothing really good have ever come out of these holidays. Have I enjoyed Halloween things yes. Working for Papa Johns was always fun but I did not look forward to the holiday because it just mark the 30ish day mark to Thanksgiving. I almost died one year. When we started going to Alabama to kill Bambi for Thanksgiving when I was 16 and that was fun but I still dreaded the holiday because my parents still fought the whole time and it was as stressful and uncomfortable like the 16 that came before it and all the ones that came after the 4 years straight we went. The good part was ruined by the same old crap just different state. Do I have good memories yes but they did not cure my continued hate of the holiday. Christmas, the holiday that should have been golden, was always over shadowed by nothing being as it should. In hindsight I realized that the few things I always looked forward to doing with my mom was her attempt to make the holiday ok for me and less in the dumps. Christmas is not Christmas without Me sitting on a fat bearded mans lap and singing Christmas carols out the windows of a car. That is the only redeeming thing. What ruins it was when I realized the why. The women in my family were passing down the light looking because it was awesome and it was to help distract me from my dad not being there like everyone elses dad. Mom had stuff we did with out him because I needed something to be good about the holiday. His birthday is the 23 so we always went out for his Birthday to dinner which was a nightmare because he had to be home to be bathed and get out the door at a decent time for the restaurant. This was pulling teeth because it just was. Now dont start hating my dad for me, he was being him and I never let him in on how he hurt me with this holiday and he provided but the drama that always and I mean ALWAYS happened on and around Christmas has ruined it for me. New Years is a crock because nothing and no one really changes for the better from year to year but the Blackberry wine and Egg Nog is good by the bone fire while we play scrabble. I always tried to join and play and talk and be apart because I always felt lonely, left out and unwanted by so much and so many that I just wanted to be included and accepted by my own family at that time. No love for my birthday either because it was deemed to close to Christmas for more gifts or a birthday party so we had cake and cards with the family pasted the age of 5 but a big end of year party for school instead. Valentines day just suck when you are old enough to want to not be alone and you cant even get a single be mine card in 6th grade. My senior year I actually gave a really nice hallmark card to someone who was down in the dumps because they had no one and told them what I thought of them. It boosted them enough to get the gumption up to ask the girl they thought it was from out. Im not sure I even got a lollipop from anyone that year. No I must not be remiss and upset people by not mentioning that I had a heart felt drop to one knee on Valentines day one year and if you want that story and explanation drop me a message to explain. I wont on here, sorry. Now on to March/April. My moms birthday is late March and celebrating her birthday is like pulling teeth for the same reason mine and my fathers is. To go out requires bathes and being on time which had been traditionally a pain in the butt to accomplish. This all sort of changed and got better when I turned 16. In Short, my dad walked out on April 18, 2003 and life got a lot better in a lot of ways because he walked out and broke this asinine spell that said we were suppose to hold to some ideal American family broke. When the parents visions dont match life is hellish. So Good Friday and Easter are when my year stops felling so bad. Now I have left out the Deaths, the curse outs, the fights, the Christmas Eve break-ups and all the hundreds of other things that have gone wrong on these dates but believe me when I say Mom and I joke that the holidays are just not the holidays without major drama because there always is. Now you have a glimpse of why I may post grumpy, snarky, or mean hearted things on cheery holiday posts. I try not to post anything because there is no dislike button and Honestly I hope you all love your Holidays. This is to let you know why I may tear into a post with I hate (fill in blank) holiday you dont have to respond, you can delete it, or say your sorry that I feel that way or ignore it but dont try to preach me into loving it or say it is almost unchristian to hate this time of year. I have my opinion and you have yours. You start a debate on why I am wrong you better have some pretty solid proof on why I am wrong. So Have A Save Season. If you have any questions again I will answer you through messenger. :D
Posted on: Wed, 20 Nov 2013 10:05:54 +0000
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