Okay, wasnt going to spill the beans but sit down, make yourself comfortable. This is going to be a long post..... So, to cut a long story not so short... As lots of you may know I have not had a working kitchen for about 5-6 months now. So my very good friend, Liz Hardwick (Yes you know who you are) invited me to her house for Christmas - with conditions, I had to cook the meal as she (says) cant cook!!! I think this has taken years of practice so that others cook for her!! After many rom & cokes & a very potent bottle of wine she began her duties of sous chef. I lit the gas to begin prep work. About five minutes into prep her house alarm went off, she reset it but it kept going off. Then we could smell plastic burning, the alarm went off again & again. Her alarm is linked to emergency services & all of a sudden there were flashing lights & three very hunky fire officers entered the house all in emergency gear. We said we could smell burning plastic & after checking various places the main fireman (pic 2) said he knew what the problem was. He asked when the cooker had been cleaned, Liz said yesterday, he asked who cleaned it, Liz said she did, he asked who reassembled it, Liz said she did. The officer then removed the pan from the heat to show only half of the jets working. It seems, Mrs cant cook, wont cook hadnt replaced the metal caps on the burners correctly. Meanwhile all this is going on my hubby is in the living room eating his cheese board (Ill get back to that subject) oblivious to the fact that we might have gone up with a bang & he would have been cheese on toast when they found him. As for us...... We then received a very helpful lecture on health & safety & most importantly disconnecting mobile phones which are charging overnight & Virgin TiVo boxes catching fire!!!!! After our lecture & our heros left (hubby still eating his cheese) for a moment or two we were very pensive & then Liz opened up another bottle. To say her hangover on the Ricther scale was 9 this morning serves her bloody well right for inviting us to lunch (which, dont forget, Im cooking) she almost got us killed. Oh back to nibbles. So after phoning me all day about various items in store, Liz told me Ill put nibbles on later for us. Great I said, thatll be lovely. So when we were in town my hubby wanted to grab something to eat - no, I said, Liz has spent the afternoon preparing nibbles, so we both didnt have anything. Later that evening we went to the Hardwick domain to start prepping. Tony was starving & I Liz if he could have nibbles as he hadnt had anything to eat. Oh she says Ive got a couple of wrapped prawns & some breaded thingies!! Now those of you who know my husband know that he can eat for England. By this time, Liz (Ive had a couple of R&Cs & a bottle of wine thought this was hilarious, then she felt guilty, but I told her everyone will know NOT to go to her house for nibbles, or when she invites you over for dinner, she expects you to cook it. Today, my sous chef was in full scale panic mode over the timing of everything, offered me Rum sauce in a carton & wanted my secret recipes for giant yorkies. I told her shed have to kill me to get them, which, of course, she almost succeeded in doing. Sorry for the long post, but heed this Health & Safety warning - if in doubt NEVER accept an invitation from Liz Hardwick for nibbles or Dinner if you value your sanity or your life xxx
Posted on: Fri, 26 Dec 2014 00:34:10 +0000
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