On “overbooked” member and other obstacles to family togetherness: I am one of four children, and our tradition was to gather to open gifts and celebrate on Christmas Eve. As we began to marry, we continued the tradition. With grandchildren added to the mix, it eventually became a physical burden for my parents to host a houseful, but we collectively ignored that fact and continued. The one sibling who had no children gradually and ultimately bowed out, and the remaining sibs were very smug about this outrageous behavior. Never mind that he and wife always planned a specific time to host our parents in their home and exchange gifts, independently of the others. My husband, two children and I “did” Christmas Eve with my parents, spent a short time with each other Christmas morning, then went to the in-laws’ for a big dinner. It occurred to me, much too late in the game, that my husband and I never established traditions with our own children. At about the same time, I realized I was actually jealous of the brother who dared to go his own way those many years ago. In our 60s and 70s now, we siblings rarely get together, and when we do, it seems forced. All the early “togetherness” did not generate close family ties. Annual events need not be rubber-stamped year after year. Enjoy the enjoyable, be civil when required, and don’t fake “togetherness” to the point of resentment.
Posted on: Fri, 07 Mar 2014 15:17:57 +0000
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