One month ten days after my last chemo. Tough journey, great improvement now, just about time to have surgery. I had stopped wighting mostly because I was feeling very sick, then I started working part time, then full time, getting home very, very tired. I have been in a reflective mode, thinking mostly about the next step in my treatment. Right breast mastectomy... On Wednesday I will lose my right breast. As a woman you feel like part of your womanhood is taken away from you. I love my breasts and they gave me much satisfaction. As a woman and as a mother. As a cancer fighter, you are antsy to have the cancer tumor taken out of your body. In my case, it is a 4.5 inches tumor which on Wednesday I will finally be done with. At 6 am I will be admitted at MGH, at 8 am surgery starts. By Wednesday afternoon I will have just one breast. Reconstruction programmed for the summer. My mind has been going back and forth with a variety of thoughts. At times, hating to lose my breast. Other times with a deeper understanding that it is not my right breast, nor hand, not even my mind that defines me. Breast or no breast my essence is in the nature of my self who starts each day with a heart full of love and understanding, with a spirit of walking that other step even if I am tired, with an interest in participating and working for the benefit of others, at work, at church, wherever I go. That is my essence and it will not be taken away from me. You cant lose your own essence unless you want to. It is our own choice and I choose to move on. The past six months have taught me a great lesson and have filled my heart with an amazing feeling: Gratitude. Co-workers have been stopping by my office with words of encouragement. Given their Earned Time (vacation time) to me so I get paid while I recuperate. Put together funds for me to help me through these difficult times. I was speechless with this act of generosity. Friends from church have brought me meals, given me rides, surprised me with presents, visits, and other caring acts. They have made me feel loved and taken care of. My son Mario, EunSu and Skyler flying from Korea and staying until after surgery, my sisters and niece flying from Mexico, Leslie Garcia, Juan Garcia, Lauren Ashley, and Miles Brooks being present for dinners, doctors appointments, expressing their love and care. Invaluable Wen gratitude grows in your heart, it makes you happier and makes you evaluate your life differently. All these acts make me think how beautiful life is... how small the worries of losing a breast is. Really, this is what life is all about, caring for people around us and beyond.
Posted on: Mon, 24 Nov 2014 04:34:49 +0000
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