Open Letter to my Sons. Brian Church Jr.David ChurchAndrew Churchand Michael Church Not trying to be dramatic or broadcasting here, but wanted to let this out to the universe so I can burry it. Remember what I taught you about Old bones? Only dogs dig them up once they are burried...so leave it there. Yep, that is me...the mother who lit a candle in a dark room and then showed you what happeden when a second candle was lit and how much brighter two or three or four can be. I am sure it was not easy to be raised by someone like me. My expectations of myself are pretty bad I just know my expectations of you are probably pretty weighty to carry. Lastnigh and the night before I was having trouble breathing from the heart failure. Darkness is so loud when you cant breath well. My thoughts when I have to consider living with this condition are so clear...life is an opportunity to live and to learn...and it is all about relationships...and hearts...not our physi al heart but the heart that lives in our soul. I just love how when you get on an airplane and your life is at risk they call you a soul 250 souls on board...we had 4 little souls given to our responsibility. Mike...I breathed life and your inhaler back into your lungs so many times I did not count...when your finger tips or lips gpt blue I knew it was coming. You having such dibilitatinf asthma is what propelled my health carreer. Did I ever thank you for what you gave me? I have rescitated many babies...but some...I turned into your mother and trusted my skills so completely...I saw your little face on my lap getting grey once...I know at least 2 would not have made it had I not believed like I did in the importance of my own childs life. Had I not held that half here half not here anymore in my hands and recognized the focus I needed. Not every midwife is allowed that experience. I hated it then...but now I see the great gift it was...your life is so valuable...my expectations of you are grand...even in the clouds of life I can still feel it in my heart...there is no way you wrestled with life itself for so long only to be wasted. You my son are valuable. Drew. My Drewsie. Huny you are indeed dubbed the sensitive one...so am I, so I understand more than you think... and I hope you have learned to hear that word sensitive with the true value it holds. I know it is so hard to learn in the beginning that sensitivity must be worked with to show its true shine. Easily offened or quickly reacting do not empower the sensitive...thought, processing and time is the key...Sensitivity is not for the self...it is for those around you...so you can love and care more...you knew this when you were little...helping lost little kids when you were just a few years older than them...or trying to encourage someone in a waiting room just because you think they are lonely...sensitivity can be a sharp useful tool if you do not keep it focused on the self...which of course is the hardest to do...but you had it so clear when you were little Drew...try not to believe that just because people tend to take advantage of those of us who are sensitive doesnt mean we are not worthy or loveable. I know you know this down deep inside huny...you made Dad and I believe that 3 children can be so incredibly different...sand that some children notice the details early. You my son are valuable. Dave...my second one...I love this one so much I want another please. I bleed your whole pregnancy. Your beginnings were so uncharted. I learned to take one day at a time. Will my baby make it? was my morning question. Never saw my own blood reach the floor until you were created. The more you grew the more we could not wait to meet you...and the more we loved you. Dad was on 2nd shift with hes week job (not his week end job). He was so happy to come home and take care of your night feedings (there it is out, one of my sons was not breastfed at all because he was 10lbs and 23 inches and they told me I could not make enough for him...I was 20 and Oh such a good patient then.)You taught Dad and I that believing and having faith but also being willing for what comes...is an amazing gift on the other side of the experience...We have always been so amazed at how you have distinct qualities of both our families. Our Combo Kid. We have lost you in Michigan....to the Marines, to hitting a tree 3 days after getting your license (at least Bj waited a couple months before hitting hit tree), to your choking...how many times have you had the Heimlich done by friends and family or mother? Do you remember the time on the side of the road? You have kept us on our tows...from the start...and taught us to appreciate each and every moment. This present experience does not change a thing. You my son are valuable. Jr...you huny, were destiny...I wanted to be married and in love for as long as I can remember... and you are my first born...the reason that pulled Dad and I down the aisle to do what was right at the time. Family and friends were lost for the first time of many for making the choice to allow you to grow and be a part of our lives. Cant imagine what it is like to have come into our lives first in the plan of 4 sons...the depth of our first love was deeper than most our age...and still is....you were created in love and passion...and kept by dedication and fierceness....and pretty much that is who you are...we are so proud of you. You are the proof in our pudding...you boys all are but you are the first...and the most intense. You also played a lead role in guiding your brothers in the direction you yourself had been lead. You my son are valuable. Dad and I made an active choice to raise our sons differently. To counter balance the world we saw crumbling. We did our very best and gave it our all. We pray for you boys still, everyday, outloud, together...in ways that mirror your lives. We take comfort in knowing God sees all and knows your hearts and lives well enough to translate the ache in a parents heart into health, happiness, and wisdom for their child. I know Dad and I have little to our names...we have always just got by but its more than okay. You boys are like the diplomas on our wall...stating our wisdom, and determination, and love and dedication...we have mastered so much because of your lives...when you look at Dad and I and see our love and our commitment to each other you remember THAT is your value showing through...we love each of you completely...and our love for you binds our love for each other. Just to be clear my Dear Valuable sons...it is possible to have behavior that we do not love, and/or make choices which we feel works against love. It does not change your value, nor does it change our love for you...and we still pray for you just as we always have...Remember who you are...and who you are to Us,
Posted on: Wed, 10 Dec 2014 13:35:43 +0000
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