Opening Up Muslim Weddings At a Muslim wedding in New Jersey more than a year ago, Wajahat Ali recalled, guests were confused when the bride and groom emerged from a back room—already married. The couple had wanted a service that would be meaningful to both their Muslim and non-Muslim guests, but instead, for reasons Mr. Ali didnt understand, they were married out of sight of some of their family and friends. This wedding and others that were similarly awkward or confusing prompted Mr. Ali and a group of New Yorkers to form Muslim Wedding Service, a business that creates customized Muslim ceremonies. The goal is to help Muslim brides and grooms fulfill the requirements of Muslim weddings while still having a personalized service, and also to educate non-Muslims, whose first exposure to Islam might be the weddings. All weddings are joyous in all cultures. Its no different in Islam. [Weddings are] always a great venue to demonstrate how we are more alike than different, said Mr. Ali, 37 years old. The company, which was formed earlier this year and caters to Sunnis and Shias, recruits as wedding officials Muslims who are comfortable with public speaking and agree with the businesss goals. So far, it has six people in its roster who speak languages such as Bengali and Turkish, Mr. Ali said. The service has been performing about two weddings a week, with about a dozen already booked for next summer. Their clients have expressed nervousness about impersonal ceremonies, Islamic practices that arent explained to non-Muslims in the audience and imams or wedding officials giving off-putting wedding sermons, said Mr. Ali. There was a huge void of…relevant, substantive topics being discussed during sermons, said Khalid Latif, 30, the Muslim chaplain at New York Universitys Islamic Center, and one of the companys founders. Anas Hassan, 29, another founder, recalls one wedding officiants rambling sermon that began Howdy, Muslims and veered into an anecdote about sheep and a discussion of the Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage. Thats exactly what we are trying to avoid, he said. In some cases, the problems stem from a generational gap between the couple and officiant—or a relative or friend being selected to perform the service and giving a speech that wasnt vetted by the couple, said Messrs. Ali and Hassan. To be sure, the founders have had positive experiences at some traditional Muslim weddings. And couples of non-Muslim faiths often find themselves struggling with religious wedding customs, such as some Catholic churches not allowing personally written vows. Imam Mustafa el-Amin of Masjid Ibrahim, a Newark mosque that caters mostly to African-Americans, said officials who upset brides and grooms with their performances arent doing so intentionally. They are just going by basic Islamic tradition and not realizing that Islam is an evolutionary tradition. It can be applied anytime, anywhere, he said. The basic requirements of a Muslim wedding—or nikah, in Arabic—are a contract or a prenuptial agreement between the bride and groom followed by the walima, Arabic for the marriage feast, said Najam I. Haider, 38, an assistant professor of religion at Barnard College in New York City whose research focuses on Islamic law, Shiism, and history. The kernel always stays the same, you can surround it with all you want, Mr. Haider said. The Muslim Wedding Services basic package consists of the contract, the personalized service and the khutbah, or the speech by the officiant. Beyond that, the couple can also sign up for premarital and newlywed counseling, and consultation on wedding speeches and any questions on Islam and marriage, according to the founders. Prices for services are determined on a case-by-case basis. Earlier this month, Sara Desouki and Evan Sholle, both 27, enlisted the company to help plan a ceremony that reflected their unique background. Mr. Sholle, a New Yorker who works in multimedia production, was raised Buddhist but converted to Islam. Ms. Desouki, who lives in Bayonne, N.J., and works in accounting, is an Egyptian-American who was raised in an observant, moderate Muslim family. We wanted to ensure we had a ceremony that was respectful of Islamic tradition and Saras Egyptian cultural background, but also something that was translated into English and presented in such a way that my family and friends (most of whom arent Muslim) would be able to understand and appreciate the beauty of the marriage and feel included in the process, Mr. Sholle wrote in an email message before the wedding. On a sun-dappled lawn with a towering ginkgo tree, the couple had a simple marriage ceremony in front of more than 40 relatives and friends at the Ossining, N.Y., home of Mr. Sholles parents. Mohamed Hussein, 25, a New Yorker and Egyptian-American who was recruited by the service, translated many of the Arabic phrases used during the ceremony. One of the values I am highlighting today is the value of human unity, he said in his sermon. In a ceremony like this, you can feel and you can see with your eyes that we are truly all alike. After the ceremony, the couple toasted each other with glass goblets of soda, and one of the brides relatives played a YouTube clip of a zaghrouta, the high-pitched cry performed mostly by women during celebrations. The brides parents, Magda and Hamouda Desouki, who had helped cook a feast of London broil, lamb chops, hummus and baba ghanoush, were pleased with the ceremony. It was beautiful, said Ms. Desouki. I am so happy that my daughter got married.
Posted on: Sat, 26 Oct 2013 07:04:05 +0000