Our family has two different lives. We have our old life, the one that ended on July 12, 2014. We have our new life, our new reality; a life that began on July 12, 2014. I find that the tiniest details that I did in our old life overwhelm me. Brushing my girls hair. Unloading the dishwasher. Filling the washing machine. Buckling kids in the car. Putting clutter away. Dressing myself. Making my bed. Filling the car up with gas. Getting the mail. Why is it so overwhelming? Why do I have panic attacks when I am faced with these small tasks? It is a huge reminder that Garrett was here then, but is not here now. Life is still the same, but life is completely different. Its as if these small tasks mock my pain. Im still here, you still have to tend to me, they say. They taunt me. Figuring out how to mesh the simplest things from our old life into our new life is exhausting and makes me want to curl up in a hole and go to sleep and not wake up.
Posted on: Sun, 03 Aug 2014 23:15:00 +0000
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