Over two years has passed since my daughter, who was 6 years old at the time, was snatched one day from her home by her mother (my Ex) and then sequestered at my Ex in-laws home for weeks at a time where I was prevented from seeing her. The night I came home from work in June 2012 expecting to kiss my kid goodnight she was gone and in her place a mountain of outrageous and disingenuous court filings attacking me as a parent, a father and threatening to take my daughter away. Having a legal background my trained eye saw the filings for what they were...intimidation tactics from a bulldog attorney looking to profit off of conflict in taking advantage of my Ex and I at a vulnerable time. The emotional part of me viewed these methods, and the authorization and blessing my Ex gave to give them life, with a feeling of betrayal and shock. The one thing I was not, and at no time would ever be, was intimidated by this lawyer or my Ex. Over the years they went through the laundry list of stunts and litigation tactics using our daughter as a pawn for greedy motives and malicious intent and it ultimately served to strengthen my resolve to stand up to this fiction and posturing by them but it also made the bond with my daughter that much stronger. I called them out directly on the dirty tricks and even alerted the judge of the perjury in direct correspondence....but I learned the courts in divorce and custody look the other way in cases of perjury. That June night in 2012 would be the start to an ordeal where I both had attorney representation and acted pro se at times. As alluded the opposing counsel did every unethical tactic in the book with clearly documented times where perjury was committed and false information knowingly filed with the court and testified to under penalty of perjury. Having worked in law and politics, I believed the judicial system ultimately wouldnt reward dishonesty and unethical practice...I was wrong but still managed to obtain joint legal custody and almost 50% physical time but nothing about that was easy and it exposed a lazy court system unwilling to even review evidence and a corrupted matrimonial bar where a man is punished and criminalized for being a good father and a good ole boy network thrives and profits at the expense of parents becoming adversaries and children being hurt. The entire ordeal is a orchestrated event, I know because I often documented my predictions and time stamped them prior to court hearings where I accurately predicted what would happen and how it would transpire....I was pretty much on target most times. The one monkey wrench in the affair was me....I would not be intimidated or back down and that resulted in legal harassment, disingenuous court filings, and threats indirectly against children and my family. I have a story to tell and have documented it and captured the narrative in a manner like few are qualified to do while enduring this ordeal. My story involves factual evidence in multiple streams validating what transpired with the lawyers, my Ex and one of the Judges in this ordeal. Unlike so many fathers I have read about and spoken too....I am not intimidated by lawyers or Judges and I am ready to tell my story and back it up in a manner rarely witnessed! For over two years I had to keep quiet on so much of what transpired, while documenting and cataloging everything, and that cannot happen any longer. The broader concern I have in going through this is that not many fathers (and mothers many times as well) have the tenacity or persistence to keep going for many reasons and speak out on this issue and what goes on with people. Thats what opposing adversarial attorneys and some judges count on...fatigue and that most people will give up and submit to unfavorable outcomes. These folks can lie to the court, file false allegations and commit unethical actions because the person on the receiving end, more times than not, is playing it clean and being the more truthful party. That is where your character sustains so much damage with motions, contempt orders, protective orders all filed at you and many times based on disingenuous substance and flat out falsehoods that assassinate your character, leave a bad first impression of you on some judges and puts you in a place where it seems impossible and overly complicated to counter the damage done and what has been filed at you and clear your name. It is “overwhelming” especially when dealing with the challenges and turmoil of major life changes but thats how they get away with it all... People often get to this point where countering it all seems hopeless and that’s when the other side comes in with a settlement that rewards the side who is often unethical, better financed and aggressive while the other party learns honesty doesnt pay and just wants their life back and to escape a system that criminalized them for being truthful and sincere. As the receiving end party you arent supposed to make it 10 rounds so that all the lies, hearsay narrative and disingenuous filings against you get washed away at a settlement and never see the light of day under “impartial” judicial scrutiny that would expose the situation for what it is....a work of fiction and bully tactics. Many opposing lawyers and several Judges dont expect many fathers to go the distance and the longer you are persistent the more adversarial and aggressive they become. On top of that its not lost on these people that litigation is costly and the emotional stress wears people down where they dont want to deal with the system anymore or the constant passive aggressive threats resulting in anxiety. So those people give up and stay quiet and deal with an outcome less then just or equitable and the court moves through their busy docket and the lawyers go to the next client after milking as much as they can from the parties and a similar merry go round plays out for the next dad. The amazing thing with these lawyers in the matrimonial bar that no one talks about much is how some decide how far to take a case. You see once they have the net worth statements they know how much money their clients have and eventually how much the other side has and in litigation there are ways to manipulate things so the lawyers can bill you out of a lot of money before a case ends at a certain point. There are patterns to watch for. The initial protective orders, the letter writing campaigns between lawyers (easy billable time for them ) and all the filings and hearings (with hours waiting in the court), depositions and preparation time for all these things. Cases have stages and if the money is there some lawyers will make sure things progress to a certain point, damn the adverse affects these greedy motives have on the lives of the client and other parent. My personal ordeal was made so much more frustrating because I was very aware of what tactics were playing out, how the other side was being manipulated by their own attorney and every time and instance where the opposition broke rules of professional conduct, was out of bounds during the depositions and what procedures and rules they were manipulating. The best analogy I can give for the two years in general...it was like I was awake and could see and hear what was going on around me and yet I couldnt do anything to stop it regardless of my truthful and strongly supported filings, evidence meeting the burden of proof and being very upfront and honest even when it didn’t always make me look good in every situation. In family court I was represented by an attorney and managed to get through okay but then was left in large debt and not much left for the next round of court. I then took over my case as a pro se litigant as I knew my skills with discovery and evidence would be stronger at that point then any attorney. At this stage things got very different and a bit concerning when interacting with the court and opposing counsel, it was clear self-representation was frowned upon even when the individual followed all the rules better sometime then the opposition. In the Family Court we had a Judge who I felt clearly reviewed what was in front of her and did her very best to resolve issues fairly even if I didn’t fully agree with some of them. When we left Family Court, the next round was in Supreme Court and with that a different Judge. At that juncture is when I did all my own corresponding with the opposing counsel, drafted all my own motions, responses and affidavits and prepared to both be deposed by my Exs lawyer during the first half of one day, then I turned around and deposed my Ex for the second half of the day....it was at this specific juncture when I did very well to prove my points, catch tons of inconsistencies and outright lies that, that very same day once the depositions concluded things would become more unethical and aggressive on their part....that was the price I paid for doing well at that stage and showing up an attorney who had decades of experience and underestimated my abilities to uncover the truth. Eventually this all resulted in a bizarre circumstance where I was indirectly threatened to agree to a resolution to things on the day we arrived at court for our trial. What happened that day, and in swearing to the Judge that I was entering an agreement “not under threat”….well that was not entirely accurate….and as I learned the hard way, in courts dealing with divorce and custody the truth is never sought with much effort and is often a problem for the players in the industry. --- Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no ones definition of your life, but define yourself.
Posted on: Wed, 08 Oct 2014 05:24:35 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015