PLEASE HELP ME AND READ THIS AT THE END I PUT IT TO YOU in our personal development-focused, life-coach dependent world, it’s all too easy to think you need to change. Not just the things you do, but who you are. It’s one thing to invite transformation for the sake of growth, improvement, and new possibilities. It’s another thing to feel so dissatisfied with yourself that no amount of change could possibly convince you that you’re worthy and lovable. This type of intrinsic self loathing formed the basis of my adolescence and some of my 20s. It was like I was constantly trying to gut myself so I could replace myself with someone better On most days, I kept a running mental tally of all the ways I messed up—all the dumb things I said, the stupid ideas I suggested, and the inevitably unsuccessful attempts I made to make people like me. How could they when I wasn’t willing to lead the way? I tell you this not as an after picture who can’t even remember that girl from before, but as someone who has lived this past decade taking two steps forward and one step back. For my willingness to give you this honesty, I am proud. People are more apt to share their struggles once they feel like they’re on the other side. It’s a lot less scary so say “This is who I used to be” than “This is what I struggle with sometimes.” But this is my truth, and I give it to you, wholeheartedly and uncensored. On a primal level, I really want to be loved and accepted, but I learn a little more every day that my own self respect is the foundation of lasting joy. I know that I am not so different from most people. Who doesn’t want to feel that people understand them, get them, and at the end of it all love them anyway? I think we all want to believe it’s perfectly OK—and maybe even wonderful—to be exactly who we are. Of course, that has to start with us. People can only love us if we believe we’re lovable. You may not fully believe it if you: Constantly compensate for who you are with apologies, hedging words, or clarifications for your actions—like you always owe other people explanations. Beat yourself up when you make even the slightest mistake. Think about your flaws and feel overwhelming disgust or anger. Cling to people who see the best in you and find it hard to maintain those positive feelings when they walk away. Tell yourself that you’re being selfish whenever you consider meeting your own needs. Repeatedly do self-destructive things, or make choices that show you don’t respect or value yourself. Don’t consider your needs a priority. Always find a reason to talk yourself out of your dreams as if perhaps you don’t deserve to have them. I have done every last one of these things at some point. I suspect we all have. Sometimes it’s challenging to love ourselves—particularly in a world where change generates a substantial amount of revenue. There are always going to be products and ideas for us to get better; and it’s a beautiful thing to embrace life-long growth. Life is transformation; staying static is a kind of death. But it’s important that we all realize we are beautiful and wonderful just as we are—light and dark, in our complete authentic selves.
Posted on: Mon, 05 Aug 2013 00:50:08 +0000
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