Pakistan’s leading political party Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaan (PTI) that clean swept NA-Facebook and PP-Twitter en route to forming a coalition government in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa (KP) had set itself a pre-election 90-day deadline to right all wrongs in the country. Even though the masses’ ignorance and an ostensible Biryani plate each, meant that PTI was only allowed to transform one-fourth of the country from Purana Pakistan’s obscurity to Naya Pakistan’s security, the drive of the party’s chairman Imran Khan has singlehandedly made the northwestern part of Pakistan the regional, political, judicial, fiscal, social and tactical hub of the world. And all this in a span of merely 90 days. Among PTI’s most astronomical achievements in their transformed province is the improvement in the security situation. Historically the KP region has been the country’s most volatile zone but Imran Khan and PTI have solved an age old puzzle within the proverbial blink of an eye. The PTI chief realised that the easiest way to pacify the TTP (Tehreek-e-Taliban Pakistan) is to give them as few causes to fight over as possible. Facilitating a jailbreak, of course went a long way in ensuring that. And the recent decision to release Mullah Baradar has also been hailed by the PTI, since Mullah is Imran Khan’s Baradar from another Madar. Of course another way to take the limelight away from bombings and other terroristic manoeuvres was by ignoring the dengue threat. Now this has ensured that in KP the citizens aren’t only dying owing to drones, bombs and other terroristic attacking, but in places like Swat they’re being killed by dengue fever as well. And fittingly Imran Khan knows who exactly to blame for the planning and plotting of dengue mosquitoes: US drone attacks. However dengue leaders Bite-ullah Mehsud and Maulana Bzzzzzullah deny that, and cite Shahbaz Sharif’s war against dengue as their principal concern. Imran Khan, of course, is a firm believer in negotiating with the mosquitoes in lieu of taking any aggressive action. According to reports KP’s precipitously escalating peace and tranquility has resulted in Imran Khan giving up his Bani Galla property for a ranch in Hayatabad. The 300 kanals might not be available for the new ranch, but it’s an opportunity cost that the PTI chief is willing to pay. In addition to solving KP’s biggest issue, Imran Khan has also fulfilled all his major pre-election promises. Corruption ended well within the 90-day deadline. Some reports suggest that it ended at 6:47 pm on Friday, August 30, 2013, while there are witnesses who suggest that corruption’s formal eradication wasn’t completed till after 7 pm. PTI came up with a fool proof idea to counter corruption that involved an augmentation of corruption charges within the party to diverge the attention away from corruption everywhere else. The drone strikes have also gradually been countered in the province with the PTI chief living up to his promise of shooting down US drones. A special force called DIA (Drone Investigation Army) has been formulated to hunt down US drones in KP. Every time a drone is shot down, all major mosques in KP recite dua-e-ikhtataam-e-drone on loudspeakers which are exclamation marked by chants of“kaisa dia?”as a tribute to KP’s DIA. Refusal to take any “imperialistic” money and the ensuing ban on US dollars in KP has further cemented PTI’s credentials as the party that would bring back Pakistan’s sovereignty. And obviously along with shushing up drone attacks, PTI has also stopped the NATO supplies as well, something that of course has never been witnessed in Pakistan’s history. PTI’s biggest masterstroke in its 90-day powerplay however, has been in the realm of education. KP’s education system, which incorporates all the latest technological studies from all over the globe, is one that does not cater to any sort of class system. And the induction of Jihad in the curriculum has taken things up quite a few notches. KP’s education system has been revolutionised to such an extent that Imran Khan is planning on moving his kids to Peshawar to get quality education along with authentic Jihadi training under the auspices of TTP. Furthermore, taking inspiration from the dress code at Khyber Medical College, Insafians from all over Pakistan are sending their daughters to Peshawar as they try and protect them from the shameless environments of the likes of LUMS and BNU and throw them into the liberated mix of Naqabis, Hijabis and Jihadis. Despite singlehandedly making KP the superpower that would rival the US hegemony all over the globe, Imran Khan was visibly distraught as masses voted for Ghulam Ahmad Bilour in the by-elections. Khan believes that his party is to ANP (Awami National Party) what Scooby Doo was to fake ghosts. The PTI chief believes that as long as the PTI-TTP coalition government continues to flourish, KP would become so strong and so unearthly sovereign that International Astronomical Union might have to declare it as an independent planet. The Kaptaan would then of course finally be able to fulfill his childhood dream and call himself Captain Planet.
Posted on: Thu, 24 Oct 2013 09:35:28 +0000
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