Parents Need Listening Time, Too! My Parenting Rule-of-Thumb is: If something that my son is doing or not doing is bugging me, making me tight and not able to think well, I need to explore what old hurt from my own childhood is being re-stimulated. Only when I discover that old hurt, and release it, can I think well enough to help my son. For example... Yesterday, I awoke to a sink full of dirty dishes, piles of unfolded clean clothes, piles of dirty clothes and a tired, crabby son. Theres nothing for me to do, he wailed. I could feel myself tighten as I said, Well, there is a sink full of dishes to wash and clean clothes to be put away. This is not what he needed. He needed connection and play, and I didnt have it to give. I told him I needed to get some listening time. I grabbed my cell phone and walked outside. I called one of my Listening Partners and asked if she had 5 minutes to listen to me. She gave me her undivided attention and did not interrupt as I wailed, I do not want to live a life of quiet misery. I was remembering how my mother bent over backwards to take care of 7 kids with little help and no appreciation. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. As I sobbed and grieved for my Mom who has been taken away by advanced Alzheimers, I realized that I had been so impatient with my son because I was feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated like I imagine my Mom felt. I could release that feeling because my listening partner was holding the thought that Im good, my son is good and that Ill come through this, and figure it out. When I had sobbed for a good 5 minutes, my listener gave me an activity to get my attention out. She asked me to look up and down the street, and notice anything that was blue: A woman walking her dog wearing a bright blue shirt; The light blue duplex across the street… I heaved deep sigh and thanked my partner. I felt lighter, and I knew I was ready to go back in and connect with my son. When I came back into the apartment, I heard the water running in the kitchen. There he was with a big smile on his face, doing the dishes. Together we finished them. Awesome!!! Its uncanny and somewhat magical, that when I get listening time and can release my tension around a subject, often my son will shift into a better place as well.
Posted on: Wed, 23 Oct 2013 09:15:44 +0000
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