Part 2 Moving forward after disappointments 1 Take a break. Okay, so you got fired. You got dumped. You injured your leg. You lost in an election. Does this mean you should look for a new job? Of course not. Give your situation a little bit of time until you feel calm enough to make a rational decision. If you try to solve the problem directly after the setback, youre likely to make a decision out of desperation and despair, not from a rational standpoint. o Watch the entire first season of The Killing. Take a long walk every day for a week. Dont do anything that would make you wallow or be upset, but clear your mind, do something different, and start to heal. 2 Practice acceptance. You cant keep thinking that the world is completely unfair, and that what happened to you was completely horrible. Maybe it was, but it happened, and theres nothing you can do to make it un-happen. It was in the past, and this is your present. And if you want to have a better future, then you have to accept the past for what it was, however unpleasant it may be. o Obviously, you need to practice acceptance because it wont happen overnight. Lets say your husband cheated on you -- are you going to accept that overnight? Obviously not, but you can come to a place where thinking about it no longer leaves you feeling completely angry and bitter. 3 Spend time with close friends and family. Hanging out with Mom or your best friend Mindy might not help you improve your career or find a new place to live, but it can make you feel better about the process. Youll see that you have so many great relationships in your life, and that you have an awesome support system that can help you through it all. Though you dont have to rehash the disappointment with everyone, just having them there will make you feel like youre not so alone with your pain. o Dont force yourself into loud social outings if youre not feeling up to it; hang out with your friends and family in low-key settings. 4 Make a new plan. The old plan didnt work out for you. Ships have to change courses in the middle of the night all the time to avoid unforeseen obstacles, and so will you. Find a new way to get to that dream career, to find that perfect man, or to make your dream charity come to life. Maybe youve had a setback in your health and wont be able to walk for a few months. Work with a physical therapist to make a plan for success. o Take a look at your life in a new way. How can you still follow your dreams, make yourself happy, but move things around. 5 Seek advice. Talk to people who know what theyre doing. If youre a teacher who is struggling with your job, talk to the principal. If youre trying to make it as an artist, see if there are other artists in your city who will be willing to offer some insight. Call a family friend who knows something about having to relocate to an unpleasant location for a job. Talk to your mom about what it was like when she went through her divorce. Though every situation is different, getting advice from different people (provided that you trust them), will give you more direction and will make you see that plenty of other people are struggling, too. 6 Be open to new opportunities. So you may not become director of the writing program at your small college. But theres a new reading series that opened up and they want you to be in charge. Dash at the opportunity to do something new that can give you experience, help you work with a variety of people, and give you more confidence about achieving your goals. If you only want to do thing A, B, or C, then youll be turning a blind eye when opportunity Z, the best opportunity of all, struts right by you. o A new person can be a new opportunity, too. Dont close off and hang out with the same circle of friends; a new friend can bring new momentum and energy to your life. o Maybe youve only looked for work as a high school teacher and just cant get a break. Why not try something different but related, like teaching in a college? It can still be a great opportunity that will give you the experience you need. 7 Get inspired. The Nobel-Prize-winning author, Alice Munro, didnt publish a book until she was 37 (!!!), Steve Jobs was a college dropout, and Matthew McConaughey cleaned chicken coops before he became a star. Look at the lives of other people who dealt with major disappointments before coming out the other end with more guts and more appreciation for what they have. If success was served up on a silver platter, then it wouldnt be worth the struggle, would it? Part 3 of 3: Dealing with Future Setbacks 1. Learn from your mistakes. So youve had a disappointment. Does that mean that all it did was set you back a few years and ruin your mood? Of course not. Theres something that you can learn from any situation, whether its that you should do your research more, not be so trusting, or not jump into something that you feel a little uncertain about. Though its no fun to learn your lesson the hard way, think of all the positive things this knowledge can do for you in the future. o If you never fall down, youll never learn to get back up. Its all part of the learning experience. 2 Dont tell your friends about what might happen. Maybe you have a good opportunity in the works. Youve been dating a guy for six weeks but have this feeling that hes the one. An agent asked to see your novel manuscript and you have a feeling she might ask you to sign a contract. Your boss mentioned a new exciting position and you think youll be picked for the job. Well, you can share your feelings with a close friend or two, but if you tell your twenty best friends or acquaintances about what might happen, then you will be more upset when it doesnt happen and you have to give everyone the bad news. o In the future, be cautiously optimistic but private, and share your joy and success after it happens. 3 Keep hope alive. Staying hopeful is the key to a happy and fulfilling life, no matter how disappointed you may be. Stay optimistic, keep things positive, and always have something to look forward to in your life, no matter how small it may be. If youre hopeful about the future and all of the good it can bring, then you will be much more likely to succeed. Hopeful people make meaningful connections and go for unlikely opportunities that more realistic people would scoff at. Keep your head up and only good things can happen to you. o Hanging out with people who are hopeful and optimistic is a great way to keep up your own sense of hope. If everyone around you is bringing you down, then how can you have hope? 4 Know your worth. Remember that youre a valuable person who can bring a lot to the table, whether its because youre a superb mother, a talented animator, or an incredible listener who is invaluable to your friends. Maybe youre also a great writer, a keen observer, and a computer whizz. Remind yourself of all of your good qualities and keep giving the world what you have, because the world needs it -- even if it may not feel that way after a setback. o Make a list of the five best things about yourself. How can you use these traits to your advantage? o If you think youre worth nothing, then prospective employers, significant others, friends, etc, will think so too. 5 Make time for fun. What does fun have to do with making a new plan, achieving your goals, and avoiding future disappointments? Nothing and everything. If youre so focused on achieving your goals and overcoming your setbacks, then you will never be able to stop, breathe, and relax. Having fun is just as important as sending out your resume to twenty companies because it allows you to get grounded, sit back and appreciate what you have, and take down your stress levels a few notches.
Posted on: Wed, 12 Nov 2014 05:37:39 +0000
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