People want recovery stories. So heres my awkward one. When i was eight i started getting bullied, it increased by the time i was ten. I wasnt the prettiest, funniest or most popular girl. I never had many friends until i was 11/12. I got afew friends but we kept fighting. We were friends on and off. By intermediate (to those who dont live in new zealand, its year 7 and 8. or grade or whatever you guys call it) things got way worse... i got alot of death threats and i discovered self harm. It relieved my pain. Im an emotional person and i can get upset over anything.. it always set me off. i gained afew friends but they turned on me and i felt more lonely than ever before. I had one suicide attempt that year. I felt ashamed. This year, im year 8. I start college (high school? idek) next year and its going to be hell. Ive been self harming all this year, alongside 3 suicide attempts. One of my friends got jealous (yes, jealous) over my self harm and made a mockery of it. Told everyone to kill her or she would do it herself. She watched people bully me to the last hope i had and she never cared. She stayed at my house and watched me and my sister screaming at each other. Fighting. She was screaming death threats at me while my friend- sat and watched. watched me break down in tears. What did she do? Started playing my playstation. Last month i became so done. i just didnt want to go through it anymore. but i knew a suicide attempt would get me nowhere. I started thinking about my future and writing things down i wanted to do. for example, have a baby girl. grow hair longer. get a job. these things were things that would either be years away or would take a long time. I built this list. I wrote letters to myself at night expressing my frustrating feelings. I started eating more. Im underweight and ashamed. Ive begun to attempt accepting my body and its slowly working. I wear makeup because it makes me feel more confident. I pay attention to detail on my hair etc so i can be happier about myself. Sometimes i force myself to clean my room or around the house. I do alot of baking and cooking, plus exercise. Apparently it helps depression. These little things are helping me. My scars are slowly fading although sometimes i relapse. I still have suicidal thoughts that wont go away but im recovering. Im proud of myself so far. Im here to prove things do get better. You just have to try. -Nothing Else Matters
Posted on: Sun, 10 Nov 2013 10:12:07 +0000
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