Pondering thoughts this morning. Sitting here reflecting back on the past an into the future. As most of you know I have been through hell and back over the last well ten years now. I have sat and thought about that was ten years just wasted of my life years I can never get back. Now if I was twenty or thirty it might not be that much of a deal but I am pushing (clear my throat) FIFTY. I sit an I think gosh my life is half over going by normal life span. Lord willing. But then again I could live to be 110. But chances are I would not get around and be full of energy like at 20 or 30 and even 40. So that is what bothers me most. These last 10 yrs I could have chosen someone different maybe been happy or just stayed single and had a better life and things might be a whole lot different and better. But I didnt and i am not younger. cant turn back the time clock so I have to make the best of the future. Hopefully make right decisions and take time to make up for lost time for myself and to make myself happy for all the years not. Try to better myself an be able to have stuff that I have not been able to have. Me and my kids would go camping every summer and that is one of the things that was taken away. Have not been in ten years and want to go. i love nature. I have lived in poverty and been without because my other half chose to not be the main provider. I know that retirement will be right around the corner but I have faith that I will get out of debt and be able to have nice things. I allowed him to put me where he did. I allowed myself to stay in it all these years wasted years. Shame on me. I allowed him to depick what I was worth. I let the course of events run me down and get me down. It took my joy and my pride and stole my happiness. Now dont get me wrong my dads death really got me down but that is normal. But the other is not. I have found myself in a whirl wind not knowing how to get out and sometimes not even having the energy to move forward. I use to be full of energy full of smiles. I would walk I would exercise I was really into taking herbs and relaxation. Did alot of meditation and even have yoga tapes but that was all ten years ago too. But I have been stuck in these ruts long enough. Will I have my days. i am sure i will. But I got to press forward and make the best out of the rest of my life. Keep me in your prayers and Gay if you are reading this positive energy my way would be good.
Posted on: Sun, 15 Sep 2013 14:39:07 +0000
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