QUALITIES TO LOOK FOR IN A FUTURE HUSBAND-BY COLIN D & RUSSELL R. STANDISH F a man seeks your hand in marriage do not be flattered. It is essential that a young lady be wary of the overtures of a young man, especially if she knows but little of this man. Colin, from the time when he was President of West Indies College, recalls the wisdom of a young graduate. She had grown up in a home where her father was not a practicing Christian. She had accepted an invitation to serve the Lord in another country than Jamaica, her homeland. Not long after she had taken up her calling, a man, obviously attracted to her, sought to commence a friendship. Wisely she refused, stating that she hardly knew the man and that she would make no decisions until she had wise counsel concerning him. Of course this young man wondered how he could meet this criterion to begin a friendship with the young lady. After all she was in new country and had very few people whom she knew there to guide her. As he explored his dilemma with this young lady, she told him that she would not consider any courtship until he had “spent time with Dr. Standish,” and he had given his evaluation to her. This created a further dilemma. While serving in the West Indies, Colin had visited this young man’s nation but there was no guarantee that he would again be there in the foreseeable future. It was not that this young lady did not see some good characteristics in this young man, but she had learned the wisdom of receiving wise counsel from those of experience. She had spent quite a deal of time in Colin’s home as a student at the college and had gathered confidence in Colin and his wife, Cheryl. With this in mind she wrote to Colin and asked if any time in the near future he would be in that country. Colin had had no such immediate plans. However, he and his wife were traveling to Mexico to participate in meetings. Talking the request over with Cheryl, they decided that when they returned from Mexico they would travel via this country, meet this young man, spend time with him, evaluate his qualities, and then make the requested recommendation. Colin took this responsibility very seriously and prayerfully because he knew the future of these two young people was at stake. The young man agreed to this plan to spend time with Colin, although he had not met him. The young lady gave him no alternative. Colin spent a considerable time dialoguing, asking him questions, finding out more information concerning his own spiritual goals and his Christian commitment and service for the Lord. It did not take too long for Colin to realize that this young man had many very fine Christian characteristics. He was a man of considerable talent and intellect, possessing a strong commitment to his Savior and to the work of the Lord. Indeed, it was these characteristics that attracted him to this young lady. Not only was she an attractive young lady, but she had dedicated her life to the service of the Lord. After their dialogue together Colin felt that he had found a new friend, and the rest is history. This couple have now been married for over thirty years and a good marriage it has been. They are the parents of two grown sons, both of whom have been brought up in the fear of the Lord. This couple have been Colin’s and Cheryl’s friends ever since. Colin was thankful to the Lord that He gave him the right advice, because it is a very solemn responsibility to know that one’s decision can break or make a marriage. The wisdom of this young lady was an example to all consecrated young ladies. Young ladies, take seriously your obligation to God to marry men who have Christian integrity and deep commitment to Christ and His service. Christian men and women of experience will often be given wisdom to discern the character of young people, and their readiness to explore a romance and to consider the prospect of courtship. This young lady was very wise. She did not decide to enter into the courtship until she had sufficient evidence and guidance to decide whether or not the exploration was wise. She was sufficiently mature to have completed her training for the Lord. Do not be swept off your feet by a charming man who may not hold the virtues which you desire in a future companion. What are some of the characteristics which a young lady should look for in a young man? 1. First and foremost, a young lady should know a man well enough to understand what his past life has been. Is he one who gives evidence of nobility of character, purity of life, and a man who is considerate and caring and thus worthy of consideration? Again we emphasize that a woman must be most careful not to entertain the thought that a man who is defective in these qualities is sure to improve after marriage. It is our experience that such a man, unless he is truly converted, will indeed develop even less noble characteristics after marriage. 2. Does he have Christian maturity beyond his years and exhibit a serious approach to all important matters of life? 3. Is this man known for his modesty, simplicity and deep sincerity? Is he a young man who does not brag about his achievements or exploits? 4. Is he a man who has a calm and even disposition? Does he show consideration? Does he address issues with appropriate objectivity? 5. Does he have the respect of other men both young and old? 6. How does he treat his mother? Does he show obvious love for her? Does he seek to please her and to honor her counsel? Is he solicitous of her comfort and quick to help her? Remember, the way he treats his mother and other ladies in his family, including his sisters, will have a profound influence upon his respect and genuine care for you. 7. Is he free from self-centeredness, from carelessness in his habits? Does he seek to reduce the burdens which others have to bear and is he quick to notice how he can help his fellow human beings? 8. How does he relate to the elderly? Does he treat them with kindness, respecting their age and their experience, unlike so many other young people who tend to ignore or make fun of their infirmities and weakness? 9. Does he consistently practice reverence when in the house of the Lord or in the place of worship? Does he worship God, follow His Word and respect His ministers and elders? 10. Does he have his private devotions morning and evening and does he also attend the family worship morning and evening if they are provided by his parents? 11. Does he have a high desire to be at the worship meetings of the church? Is he attentive to what is taking place and not just there to be in your company? 12. Is he a man of moral self-control and consecrated by the power of Jesus? 13. What kind of books does he read? To what kind of programs does he listen? 14. Does he show an interest in witnessing his love of Jesus with others and does he show an interest in helping the needy? 15. Is he sober minded as Peter admonished the youth of his day? Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8 16. Does he avoid the frivolity and carelessness of so many youth around him? 17. Is he a young man who can resist the wrong patterns of his peers and rather seek to lead them away from any activity which is inconsistent with the development of a true Christian character? 18. Are his words free from rudeness, coarseness and slang; does he show wisdom above his years? In other words, does he, in words and actions, show that he has surrendered his life to the Lord? 19. Is he kind, tenderhearted, long-suffering, forgiving and compassionate, seeking to avoid speaking evil of others but esteeming others better than himself? . . . in lowliness of mind let each esteem other[s] better than themselves (Philippians 2:3). 20. Is he attracted to you far more because of your character and your Christ-like virtues than your physical characteristics? 21. Is he careful with the finances which God has entrusted to him, responsible with assets, simple in his desires seeking to fulfill the necessities of life without extravagance or carelessness? Is he an energetic worker in his occupation and around the home and its grounds? 22. Does he avoid miserliness and would he be a man who would meet the necessary needs of his wife? Is he generous, indeed sacrificial, in helping the work of the Lord and the spread of the gospel, as well as providing help for any needy soul? 23. Is he a man who will allow your individuality to express your beliefs, convictions and opinions? 24. Would he permit you to have equal say in the important matters of dialogue? Is he solicitous of your counsel? Does he show evidence as seeing marriage as a partnership rather than a lordship? 25. Is he free from pride and personal ambition, and do his goals point to his desire to follow the calling of his Savior, irrespective of where it leads or into what field of endeavor it may take him, even if it brings deep sacrifice in his faithful service to God and man? 26. Is he sincere, free from deceit, free from saying one thing in front of a person and an altogether different thing behind that one’s back? 27. Does he have a sensitive conscience, quick to ask forgiveness if it is necessary and to apologize for anything that might have been said or done out of place? Is he a gentle man, showing the Christian graces without false modesty? 28. Is he free from an overbearing disposition, a man who is willing to be patient with any weakness which you have or mistakes that you make, while also seeking to help you to overcome these? 29. Is he industrious, conscientious in the duties he is asked to fulfill even when there is no supervision of his work? Does he have a range of practical skills which will be valuable in his role as a husband and in the needs of the home? 30. Does he love children? Will he be a wise father of any children which the Lord brings into your family should you marry him? Is he a man who will influence his children for good? Will he have patience and godly discipline without indulgence of his children?. 31. Does he seek time with your parents and seek to get to know them, avoiding any attempt to take you away from them so that you can have more time alone? Do your parents find him to be a young man to whom they can entrust their beloved daughter to be a blessing and a help to her? 32. What are his habits of dress, eating and drinking? Are they consistent with those of Biblical principles? 33. What does he do in his discretionary time? Does he seek to do those things which are profitable, useful, and constructive rather than to waste his time on sports, worldly entertainment, indolence and frivolity? If his possesses a computer does he avoid addiction to it, using it only for appropriate and useful purposes, and does he limit the amount of time he spends with it? 34. Is he emotionally stable, not easily ruffled in trying situations, free from violent outbursts, not holding anger, bitterness, hostility or revenge in his heart? 35. Does he avoid lengthy pondering over negative situations which affect the work which God has called him to accomplish? 36. Does he make quick and firm, but not rash, decisions? 37. Make sure that he is a man who has avoided simply being “in love with love.” Be certain that you are not just the latest fascination which he has developed. 38. Does he have good physical health, live a temperate life, and have good physical strength? 39. Does he avoid indulging himself with late nights, seeking to gain adequate rest nightly? Is he regularly up early to commune with God? We understand that many of the young ladies may say such a young man does not exist. We hear godly young women asking the question, “Where can we find a godly young man whom we could trust as our life partner?” Almost as commonly we find godly young men asking similar questions. There are godly young men and women in this world; scarce they may be, but they can be found. God knows where they are. God knows the man or woman who is His choice for you as a life partner. If ever there is a matter to be placed before our Savior, it is the matter of the choice of a life partner. Remember the wonderful promise of Scripture, But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33 We firmly believe that this promise, among many other things, applies to the finding of a life partner. God’s timing knows no haste nor delay. It will be a timing perfect for you and when you meet or discover such a young man, God will guide and bring you together. His Word cannot fail. Trust Him. ( Chapter 11- Youth are you Preparing for Divorce)
Posted on: Tue, 10 Sep 2013 15:49:50 +0000
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