Questions for you. Some things have made me wonder for quite some time: Did Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”? Do employees at Lipton Tea Company take coffee breaks? Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected? Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag? How come “abbreviated” is such a long word? How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn’t live there? I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam. If “con” is the opposite of “pro”, is congress the opposite of progress? If “horrific” means to “make horrible,” does “terrific” mean to “make terrible?” If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out its nose? If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? No one ever says “It’s only a game” when their team is winning. What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men? When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? Why are a “wise man” and a “wise guy” opposites? Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? Why did kamikazi pilots wear helmets? Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing? Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things? Why do “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing? Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with. Why do they call it “practice” what a doctor does, as in “practice medicine?” You’d think he would have gotten it by now. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? Why do tug boats push their barges? Why do we drive in a parkway, and park in a driveway? Why do we put suits in garment bags, and garments in a suitcase? Why do we say something is “out of whack?” What is a whack? Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” when we are already there? Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them? Why do you drive in a parkway, and park in a driveway? Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains? Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”? Why is “abbreviated” such a long word? Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural? Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds? Why is a person who plays the piano called a “pianist,” but a person who drives a race car not called a “racist”? Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid with real lemons? Why is stuff on a ship called cargo and stuff on a car called shipment? Why is the person who invests your money called a broker? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn’t “11” pronounced “onety one?” Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food? Why cant women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed? You know that indestructible black box that is used on the airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Posted on: Sun, 01 Dec 2013 00:26:55 +0000
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