#RMMARIA Fan: Rant, Question or advice or whatever lol: Can you please post? Not mommy (well kind of) related but Im feeling really down, I see a lot of my friends posting pictures of how grateful they are for there mothers and Im so very happy for them but it also makes me cry.... See I grew up in foster care cause my mother was an addict and she did what she felt was best for me, I was placed in foster care at the age of 5 and was in many different foster homes, she passed away from her addiction when I was 16 like 2 months after she re entered my life and promised me a relationship and that she wanted me back so we could be a family, and I was soooo happy and after she passed away I got very angry and held resentment towards her after her death....I had many mother figures and I really look up to one foster mother, I grew close to her and we became very close in the four years I lived with her, I graduated high school in her care, she supported me and was there for me, I went off to college and she was still there, and even though I know she loved me I still felt out of place, she has two other daughters who are biological and I just didnt feel like I ever fit in, well now Im a mother and I love my babies sooo much and am so thankful I can give them the unconditional love my mother wasnt able to give me, well now I just wish I had a mother to talk to and call and see, my adoptive mother is there but sometimes I feel like she loves me less, I live 5 hours away from her and me and my kids go visit her from time to time and we have a great time when were with her, I try to text and call her as much as I can, but it seems like when I do call her she never picks up, but when Im visiting her shes always picking up for her two other daughters, now I know they are her real daughters but I just wish I was loved just as much, regardless if Im blood or not, or when I am able to get her on the phone its like only for a good 10 minutes cause shes always busy...she calls me her daughter and says she proud of me and everything but it still hurts to know that when her other daughters call she picks up right away but Ill call 10 times day after day and shell maybe pick up twice, or she sent me a christmas card hoping that me, my husband and kids were on it, like her daughters and there families were but we werent...she even had Tracys (Tracy is her real daughter) friend Allison and Allisons daughter on it calling her, her daughter and saying how shes sooo happy to have her in her family and shes staying and what she was up to and how shes doing and what not....I felt sooo left out, I was there wayy before her but I wasnt important enough to make it on the christmas card. I just feel sooo empty sometimes, like why dont I have a mother or father? Why cant I have that special mother daughter relationship that I see my friends have? I forgave my mother when I had kids cause I know she loved me sooo much but her addiction was to strong and in the end took her life....I just miss her so much and wish she was alive and was able to get clean and be a grandmother to my babies and be there for me to call when I just need to talk. Sorry its sooo long. Im just feeling so depressed. I didnt even have anyone to walk me down the aisle...but my son walked me and that was enough....I just am soo lost :(
Posted on: Thu, 16 Jan 2014 06:32:31 +0000
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