#RealTalk Ever since returning to the fitness industry in 2012, and coming back from a very ugly eating disorder, I promised myself I would do this the healthy way and be 100% real with people along the way. This prep has been the hardest of my life, and I wanted to take time today & share why for those of you who have been part of my journey. I was waiting til after Worlds to say a lot of this but I feel its important to share now and be really REAL with everyone. I will post the full version of this story on my website when launched, but for now, I hope sharing this will show why this has been the hardest prep of my life... In my prep for my WBFF debut in Orlando in May 2012, my body responded really well, because it had been a few years since I was that low carbed. I took 5 months to get ready for Orlando, after returning to the fitness industry from going to culinary school and taking some time to get perspective. After winning my pro card, I started to notice my body was incredibly sensitive to foods I used to always be able to have. I was still really strict in what I ate, had the occasional treat, and still busted my butt in the gym. I put on a ton of weight and continued to beat myself up each day, embarrassed to be a Pro that no longer looked anything like it, in my opinion. I had been SO extremely dieted in 2010, that I thought what I was doing was healthy and that eating clean and hours of cardio was just what everyone did to stay lean, as its become the norm. I chose to do bikini rather than fitness, because I was so inflamed and sick already, that I couldnt imagine putting on more size, so I worked against my body and genetics. I trained harder than ever for Montreal, on double cardios, fasted cardio, and very little carbs. I was constantly told I was carb sensitive and that I was just stressing too much and not allowing my body to come in. A few days before Montreal, I was extremely lean, definitely realized I am 100% fitness, but was determined to still have fun and look and do my best. During my peak week, I was sodium depleted for the first time ever, then told to have tons of carbs every few hours, and went from vascular and lean to completely spilling over on stage and feeling like I embarrassed myself on my Pro Debut. I have yet to share pics from that show, because I was so embarrassed of how I looked, when I did everything I was told. When I asked why I looked like that on stage, I was scolded and belittled and even told I was being taught a lesson to never compete in bikini and go against my genetics. After Montreal, I was extremely sick and my body blew up quickly, going from almost no carbs most days, to a ton of carbs reintroduced at once. Again, I was carb sensitive and put on fasted cardio and told to just not stress. Worlds is not only my first time in Vegas, but my first appearance on the Pro Fitness stage. At 7wks out, I couldnt take it anymore. There were lots of teary moments and discussions with my fiancé, and he reminded me it wasnt worth it and what we thought was so balanced, was actually far from that. With no other choice, I started doing a ton of research and educating myself on the body and nutrition. I realized my metabolism was in a very bad place and had been extremely compromised, and reached out to Layne Norton, in hopes he would help me for Worlds and reverse diet me out of my show and help me bring my metabolic capacity to where it should be. I have made tremendous progress in the last 4 weeks, can now digest more foods than I have been able to have in a decade, and genuinely look better and am healthier than I have ever been. But, 2 weeks out from Worlds, and now my body has been stuck for the last week. We are taking it one day at a time, not compromising my health or metabolism any further, and just seeing what my body tells us in these next 2wks. I would be lying if I didnt say it breaks my heart to be put in this position, for trusting in my previous trainer and doing what I was told, but regretting it wont change the position Im in. When I started working with Layne 4wks ago and switched my entire business to a flexible living and balanced approach, I wanted to make a big stand in doing so. That I knew what I was doing was unhealthy and had to change. Even if it meant not doing Worlds, I hoped that my story and the changes and stance I made, would speak to others and show that I wont compromise my character or my health when I know its wrong. Tomorrow is my birthday. We move to Seattle in 2.5wks. Our wedding is in four weeks. I have the support of so many incredible people, professionally and personally, and know I can only look forward. I am doing everything I can to get on stage in two weeks and look my best, but if my body just says NO, I want people to know the real story behind why...
Posted on: Sat, 02 Aug 2014 15:20:59 +0000
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