(Recently, I wrote an article on my Master, Satguru Sri Sivanandamurty, for a souvenir that was brought out during Guru Poornima, in Warangal. I am giving it below. Some of you may like it........) “Go home! Watch TV! Eat ice creams!” No one knew that I was a wreck, a whale that had pursued its unintended suicidal course to the beach to breathe its last slowly, agonizingly. Everyone thought of me as a man who was a die-hard optimist; one who radiates cheer and happiness and what more, one who was peaceful inside. They were not entirely wrong. They could never have been totally right. He did not think like them. For, He knew me even before He saw me. After all, this was not the first time I was blinking before Him in need, seeking help. To Him, I was all too familiar. He looked amused but He also felt sorry for me. Why would not he?! After all, even after being with Him before I had “meandered unnecessarily” lured by the glamour of magic. I must have willfully left his company in pursuit of something gross or lesser or silly. That was why, in this birth, I had to go through a long and arduous journey in which I repeatedly knocked at wrong doors and equally repeatedly got knocked down. Peace was shattered. So was my health. To plunge into anything headlong has been my nature. I plunged into negativism and ended in despair. “You are a gem. You fell into the slush unnecessarily. Stupid destiny intervened…” He would go on saying things that would be lofty and demoralizing alternately. The fact was, when He told me that golden sentence that you see above, about 19 years ago, I had become “hard and harsh,” lost all my freshness that goes with faith, was edgy to say the least and “touchy and suspicious.” I do not want to scare you by describing what I went through. Suffice to say, it was all bad, dangerous and not my path, though I never realized it then. Strange it may sound, when I stood before him, in his small library room, after hesitating to discuss my plight during many meetings, He did not provide an introduction but gave a conclusion. And that was… “You do not belong to any of the paths that you have followed in this birth so far. None of them belongs to you. Fortunately, the damage has been neurological and not psychological. The inner fellow is intact. Your faith has remained unaffected. That has given me the hold to help you. It was not difficult at all!” “Now stop all practices that you have been doing so far.” He looked me in the eye, looked into my eyes calmly but unmovingly and waited. It took me a while to get over the import of what all he told me that eventful evening. I cleared my choking throat and told him, “Yes Sir! I will start afresh,” and touched his feet. “Ah! That is the spirit!” he said happily. And, immediately I asked him with anxiety, “Now, tell me. What should I do?” It was then that he advised me thus, “Go home! Watch TV! Eat ice creams!” He explained to me that I should relax totally for undoing the damage suffered. As a parting shot, he said, “Well, for certain spiritual ills, materialism is the cure!” Thus began a very pleasant journey with the most loving being I have ever met. A story of love between a battered soul and the Ultimate Master. ****************** “A Master does not answer questions. He destroys them.” One day, he invited me to stay with him. It is a mango garden which He had “bought for a song” and raised a home for Him and his wife though she passed away subsequently. Slowly, His devotees also joined him there. Elated at this invitation, I moved into Ananda Vanam. He greeted me with his benign smile. I told him, “Sir! Your Ashram is very nice.” Immediately he responded, “This is not an Ashram. An Ashram has very specific rules. This is my home. At the most you can call this a retreat.” I asked him, “Oh! If so, what are the rules here Sir?” And, he replied, “Rules are not mentioned; they are observed!” His word lasts! What was I supposed to do there? “Nothing! There will be a pooja in the Ganapathi temple in the morning. You can attend, if you feel like. Lunch will be served at 10.30 a.m. Eat well and sleep. In the evening, you can join me for a chat over a cup of coffee. After my sandhyavandhanam, I go to the temple where others join me. We sit for about 35 minutes, you are welcome. Sleep well at night. No programme, no agenda! Just rest and relax!” His communication skill never ceases to amaze me. To start with, his manner of speech reflects the highest degree of civility, which is natural to him. His words are a cascade of clarity. More than all this is the incredible appropriateness in expression. Even in situations where any answer could be confusing or hurtful to the questioner, his expressions defy constrictions and get themselves delivered! To top it all, he never pauses even for a moment to answer any question. He never looks serious while answering any queries. It is all a casual flow, like music from a divine harp. “I never address your mind or intellect. I address only the inner fellow. While your mind and intellect may be listening and analyzing, something happens in between words.” Oh, quite something happens! The dart never misses the target. Now, please go back to the quote that adorns the head of this note. Very true! Once he answers a question, it does not raise its head again. When I mentioned this to him, the Master said something which I will never forget: “See, if you come and ask me “Who am I?” and if I tell you, “You are that tree, this sofa” and so on, is it a reply at all? You are coming here with the burden of a question on your shoulder. When you go back, you will be carrying the burden of an answer the other shoulder!” Every moment spent in Ananda Vanam is elevating. At his behest, the presence of the Master’s Master (“whoever it is”) is palpable anywhere in the garden. “My Master does not answer prayers. He responds to silence,” he would cryptically say. Beneath the canopy of that special silence, I laid my restless psyche. It is a silence that could be heard, inside your head. It was something like a sustained three-pitch note of a bunch of crickets chirping in unison; Persistent, unimposing, inescapable. First, I was stupefied as if someone slapped my soul accidentally. It reminded me of an experience in a remote corner of a temple in Mangalore. The difference was, this silence would not let go of me though it was not holding me in its grip either! Strange! I did not know why I wept and felt sad in such an abode of calmness. May be, that is what happens to an essentially noisy mind when it is kissed all of a sudden, by the cool lips of silence. Unaccustomed to such unfathomable love, things welled up from some hitherto undiscovered corners and crevices of my consciousness. There were no details but it was clear that they were the impact of something bad, silly and ugly. There were no questions. No answers either. No conclusions. There was a feeling that I have arrived at my home. There was also a feeling that I was a trifle late in arriving there. I needed to be there and I did not deserve to be there. This ambivalence of contrasting emotions left me dumb, drained and also relaxed. Deciding that I would somehow stay put, I stepped in. *************** “They also serve who stand and wait.” He was alone. That was new to me those days. Those days, it so happened that whenever I called on him — after fixing up an appointment over phone (“Yes Mr. Venkateswaran, you can come at 5.00 ‘O clock and I will talk to you for 15 minutes”) there was no one except of course Dr. R. Raghavendran, whom we dearly call Ragi Anna, an elder brother in every sense of the term, his wife Smt. Satyavathi who is called “Auntie” (I call her Amma) and Kumari Radhakumari. So, I thought no one visited him generally. Also, I never knew that he was a greatly revered Guru and has followers in different parts of the globe. So, I used to touch him, pat him and occasionally pinch his cheek in jest like a grandchild playing with its grandfather!! And, the “15 minutes” always became an hour and a half. Till he had to go for his evening bath. He would stretch his hands and say in jest, “Who discovered this sandhyavandhanam I say?” and would go in. He would go to his temple and I to mine — the kitchen where the irresistible Telugu bhojanam would be served in quantities only Andhraites could handle! Though Professor L.S.R. Krishna Sastry kept telling me that he would take me to him, it was Sri. K. Sivasankar who took me to him. It was an entourage that I took with me — friends like Sri. B. Prabhat Kumar, Sri. N. V. Subbarao and at least another ten people with me, besides my wife. We sat in the temple and the Master came in briskly with Ragi Anna. He was simple and sweet. He couldn’t help it! No one spoke anything. My wife started a volley of questions and I joined her. He answered them all gladly. There was the light of love on his face and a continuous expression of amusement which he was trying to cloak under his specs! I do not exactly remember the conversation but two sentences I am able to recall: “Your Guru may be incapable of writing down even his name, yet he is Guru. He may be thoroughly incapable of speaking even two sentences coherently but he is your Guru. Once you accept someone as your Guru, you should neither look back nor look beyond him.” Well, this disturbed me further. For, we were yet to recover from the bitterness, and damage that we suffered at the hands of someone whom we took as our Guru or the disappointment that we experienced in our association with a few others. So, initially I thought I was wrong and this might not be my place. However, I fell in love with his language instantly. The sweetness, the civility, the uncompromising attitude in speaking the truth but palatably the love that emanated impersonally from him but touched me personally, the clarity that I had never encountered before and the incredibly casual manner in which he spoke lured me towards him. (Of course, later I realized that it is not your decision to be with him that matters! You are with him if he lets you! Or else? “I would make him hate me and leave!”) Now, back to this three-night stay in Ananda Vanam. I saw quite a crowd in his place. I never knew any of them. (Today, I have the privilege of being a member in the family of every one of them!) They were all sitting on the floor hesitantly or standing before him at some distance reverently. They did not speak much. They looked apprehensive. Whenever he cracked a joke, they relaxed but even then, they would not laugh loudly. Heads lowered, eyes looking at him longingly and in fear, they made me very uncomfortable. All these days, I have been playing with him like a school kid! Talking to him irreverently! Happily sitting in the chair just because he courteously offered a seat! And, how loudly I laughed before him! I thought I was synonymous with impertinence. The compassionate eyes of the Master did not fail to read my plight. In the presence of so many people, he called me aside, stood before me in his red garment that he wears for pooja and the little vessel with water and said, “Seeing all this you don’t change yourself. You have come through an unorthodox way. So, what I would teach you would also be unorthodox. I am your father who is interested in your safety, security and welfare. I am also your Guru. You are my own son. You have every right to keep your foot on my chest.” Not once friend, five times he called me aside and told me this. As I am typing these letters, vividly recalling even his intonation, I am reduced to tears. What is he! And who the hell am I? A lump of stinking flesh shamelessly standing beside that huge column of the light of purity! You feel very elevated and highly embarrassed at once, in his company. I wanted to talk to him or ask him about a few things. As there was no privacy. I had gently left a note on his teapoy. He called me and said, "I read your note. Now, it must be clear to you that I am a Master in more than one path, eh?” I said, "Yes Sir." “From time to time, I will give you some practices. I will never give you anything which you cannot practice. I will take you there” He said this so casually but his eyes looked into me intensely when he said this. Imagine how I would have felt! But, what about my note? He returned it to me saying, “Prayers are not replied; they are answered.” He added, “You see, when the pond is churned, the scum comes to the surface and floats. What should you do then? You should not do anything at all! You are standing at a threshold. A column of water is falling. If you stretch your finger, you will get wet all over. That is why I used the biblical statement, ‘They also serve who stand and wait.’ That’s all about it!” Though there were so many people in his place that time, there were none around during this conversation. It was then that he said something which started nagging me. He said, “See, if for some reason, you tend to dropout, we will continue as friends but not as a Guru and disciple.” This upset me a great deal. As I was suffering from severe back pain those days, after a surgery which was not necessary and which did not do me good, Master took special care. He gave me his homeopathy medicines, suggested that I should listen to Raag Malkauns and taught me Matsyaasan. The Yogic posture was difficult at that time. You have to sit in Padmasan and lie down with a cushion for the back and a roll cushion for the neck. More difficult to handle were his remarks on the ‘’dropout’’ possibility. I decided to confront him. “Sir! I want you to see and tell me whether I am doing the Matsyaasan correctly.” “Come on in!” Said he, led me briskly to the middle room, threw a mat on the floor and asked me to proceed. As I was trying to lie down in Padmaasan, I had to stretch. My left thigh was up. He gently pressed my knee with his finger and said, “I want this fellow to go down.” Immediately, I tried very hard which prompted him to say this never forgettable sentence: “Ah ah! Pay attention. Keep the intention. Don’t create tension!” I freed myself from the posture and caught hold of his fluffy feet that were very near me and said, “Sir! I have not come here for this today. What you said the other day is bothering me. I know that a disciple should not lay down terms and conditions to a Master. But my plight is such that you have to accept me in spite of me, without any conditions,” and quoted that dreadful sentence. The benign Master bent, sat before me on the floor, held me by my shoulders and said, “Even if you leave me, I won’t leave you!” I didn’t want to hear anything more. When I met Sri. Bhakataraj Maharaj of Bhakatavatsalya Ashram, Indore, I sat weeping before him as he was singing his bhajans in Hindi and Marathi, though I could not understand a word. He stopped in the middle and said, “Weep! Do not stop! You have been weeping for getting this or losing that. These are tears that are hot and come from hurt. A day will come when cool and pure water of the Ganga will come out through your eyes. Till then, weep! Today, you are weeping for joy. One day, you will weep out of joy!” I remembered these words then. I ran out of the middle room, not bothering to wipe my tears of joy. *********** “There is no regrettable wastage in cosmos. Perhaps, regret is wasteful!” My repeated laments about the darker side of my past that has etched itself in my personality and my obsession with purity elicited this response from the Master. It took me quite some time to realize that obsession of any sort is an obstruction; anxiety will never allow you to attain what you seek to; thinking unnecessarily is the surest way of preventing peace from setting in; and that if you think you are exclusive, destiny slyly smiles and reserves a ‘special treatment’ for you. I also realized that not only ill temper and arrogance but self pity and such complexes are also different facets of one’s ego. I am not making any claim here but I can gently mention, without exaggeration that these traits have become things of the past. I continue to be emotional, not explosive. I am sensitive, not touchy. I am at it, not anxious. How did this transformation happen? You may find this amusing but here is the list: • Food • Love • Medicine • Words • Pilgrimage Food: Master insisted that every time I visited him, I must eat without fail. Oh, I did not need much prompting here! That sumptuous, delicious, fresh food, served lovingly by Sathyavathi amma and Radha, I still eat, with relish, religiously! The only complaint I have about food served there is this: Though you have a hearty meal and feel full, after 40 minutes or so, you want to eat something again, a banana at least!! Master had told the ladies that food served there is the medicine for me. Love : “I love your love!” Pure love is His nature. And, His love is neutral. “I may not approve you. Yet I would love you,” He would say cryptically. You are close to Him if you feel so. That’s all about it! He has no such attitude. You love Him a little and you will be washed away by His love. I have never been loved by anyone like him. He disarms you. This spiritual colossus sounds so humble when he enquires about your welfare so lovingly! My name sounds so sweet when it comes out of his well formed lips. When he casts a glance, I am illumined. All the chambers of my inner being come alive! My heart glows when he sports a smile for me. When he touches, I am divine! I become him! I do not love anyone like I love him. People call him a Brahma Gyani, a Maha Yogi; some say he is Subrahmanya; there are many mysterious attributes which different people come up with to describe him. I do not think on those lines. He could be anything and he can wriggle out of any attribute even before you spell it. He defies descriptions with an undemonstrated vehemence. He is my beloved. He is my refuge. He is my Master. I belong to him only. He belongs to me fully. Did he not say, “Not only God is available for all but all of God is available for everyone.” I know he can be what he is to me to a million people simultaneously. I am not jealous or possessive anymore because I know he belongs to me! I am in love. So is he. He treated my angularities, impertinence, depthless intellect and my ego through his love alone. He never heaped advice on me. He simply allowed me to observe him closely, to be with him as much as possible in different circumstances and learn myself. His love made me realize my follies. They were numerous but they have stopped bothering me. I do not even know whether they exist in me somewhere. He never indulged in any intellectual chat with me those days. To put it simply, he cured me through his love. Medicine : “Doctors treat. Shouldn’t they cure?” He is a healer but would conduct himself only as a homeopath. I have been a witness when he floored an audience of Doctors, all his disciples and devotees, by his knowledge of diagnosis. We all know that he is a scanner! I still remember when in 2000, he called Dr. Joga Rao and asked him to conduct a series of tests for me, citing my problems which I never knew before. Joga took me to Apollo, Hyderabad. I went through a series of scans and tests. The results? Exactly what the Master had said before he sent me with Dr. Joga Rao!! Then, why were the tests necessary? “Otherwise your office will not believe you I say!” “There are a few more things which have not surfaced,” he said cryptically. And, he called me inside and said, “Let me hear your health problems,” and asked me to list them out. I did. At the end, he said, “Ah! Ramanan! You are an excellent patient! I can treat you from anywhere and give you any medicine!” Of course, I might have tasted all the medicines in his cupboard! Apart from those globules, his teertham, akshadai and vibhuti did their own part as medicines. I have never enjoyed good health since my childhood. Today, I am much better, particularly when you consider the amount of work I am able to do. I owe this spirit of youth to him alone. Words : “Amplify truth. Simplify facts.” I cannot analyse, philosophize or conceptualize. Believe me, I cannot think too coherently or weave logic. I am a spur-of-the-moment freak. I do surprise myself by speaking or writing a few good words now and then. But, if you ask me to write or speak, God save you! I am a poet. I can mention this without difficulty now. You know why? When I invited Master for the release of my books in Vizag, he said, “I wish to agree that Ramanan is a born poet.” Now, I have to accept this, don’t I? As a poet, I am not sure of my next word. I do not construct, I wait for the words to descend. The Divine Mother has been obliging. But I do not know whether I would write another poem. At the point when a poem or song is about to happen, I am divine, most certainly. Before and after, I am the same old bewildered fool, more certainly! This is what I am. I am not an intellectual as some people mistake me for. How embarrassing! I am a creature of the heart. I wear my heart out and wear myself out in the process. You have every right to call me a fool but mark you, I am spontaneously so. In Master, I have met the pinnacle of spontaneity. To me, his words are everything, Bread and butter for my soul. He asked me once, “Ramanan! Have you ever wondered why you are convinced by what I say?” I answered, “Sir, I have raised this question within myself but I do not know the answer though I am always convinced by whatever you say.” The most compassionate Master clarified, “Truth is the food for the soul. Therefore, wherever it is spoken, the soul recognizes it. The mind and intellect may or may not recognize it.” When he speaks, it is a cascade of clarity, a flow of “molten gold and honey.” It is so, not because he speaks the truth but because the Truth utters forth on its own. I understand the Gita, the Upanishads and works likewise today because I have heard him. He is such a ‘bad influence’ that once you have listened to him, you cannot stand anyone else speaking! Ragi Anna has the remarkable quality of conveying Master’s message succinctly without quoting him! That is amazing! Ramana of Balusupadu will elaborate Master’s concept without quoting him. In Professor Ramamurthy who passed away recently, we had an avid chronicler of Master’s messages. He can go back and forth, compare Master’s previous messages and arrive at conclusions. God! I am not even remotely capable of any of these things. When he speaks, he provides me the visuals without which I cannot understand a thing. I do not remember what he said consciously. I know whatever I heard is all safe somewhere in me. If you ask me what he says about this or that, I may flounder. But, if someone asks a question, or whenever I address a gathering and whatever be the occasion or the topic, he comes out. If at all I miss him as I am away from him physically, it is his words. “My words trigger an experience in you!” he would say. But today, my audience experiences the same magic that I experienced whenever I heard him! I am immensely aware that he flows through me, through his own words. My trembling heart is consoled by this. I have met with scholars, intellectuals, thinkers and so on. I do not have to wear any identity on me. His presence, conveyed by his own words through me takes care of everything. He is present in me as his very word. He has given me a word, nay, The word! Believe me. Remove his words from me and there is no me. Pilgrimage : “When you open your eyes, think of the country. When you close them, think of God. In Rome, do as Romans do. In God, be as Him” I think it was 1995. As he was sitting in that swivel chair in his library room, he closed his eyes for a moment and said, “Ramanan! I want to take you to the Himalayas.” I held both his feet immediately and begged him to take me! “The average Indian is a poor tourist. Eighty percent of Indians have hardly seen 20% of the country,” he would remark. “India’s unity is neither geographical nor political. It is cultural. Politics divides. Culture unites.” He would point out that even during the days when India was a compendium of many warring kingdoms, the pilgrims always kept the nation together. They could freely go from Rameswaram to the Himalayas. He would describe in vivid detail the vital part played by religion and pilgrimage in keeping the nation’s economy in good health. From the sixties, he has been taking his followers to different parts of the country. He has been performing Vedic yagnas in many parts of the country, without collecting any donation from anyone. The ritwiks are his own devotees, trained by him. The first place he took me to was Jageshwar, nestled in a valley, which is at an altitude of 1870 meters in the Kumaon region of the Himalayas. Three times in a row, he took me there. The fourth time, I met him at Almora, when he was returning from Jageshwar. Another occasion, I had the privilege of making arrangements for his visit, along with at least a hundred people or more. During the customary valedictory, he said, “I sent Ramanan here on a deputation. But he has migrated!” and laughed. By now, I have been to this secret and sacred place 19 times. On five occasions, I have come here alone. If I total all the days I spent in Jageshwar in solitude, it would be 86 days. Let me, with difficulty, resist the temptation of writing about the experiences that he granted me in Jageshwar. He took me to Hardwar, Badrinath, Kedarnath, Guwahati, Ranchi, Arunachal Pradesh, Ladakh, Kasi, Chittorgarh, Jaipur, Udaipur, Srisailam, Yadagirigutta, Indore, Omkareshwar, Ujjain, Thiruvannamalai, Madurai, Sivagnanapuram, Namakkal, Coimbatore and so many places. He taught me the true history of the land. He made me hear the wailing of Rani Padmini and thousands of women as they plunged into the fire to escape being molested by the marauders. I could see Maharishi Viswamitra raising his Yoga danda and bringing forth a parallel creation, with all the different worlds, including an altogether new Indra. I could see the Daksha Yagnam and its aftermath. I have seen Bhishma being felled by an array of arrows from Arjuna. Well, he did not teach history but showed it as it happened. “History is not sequential. It is consequential,” he would say, whenever we raised questions about what went wrong that we have lost our glory. He opened my eyes to the greatness of Bharat, the tragedy called India and that each one of us can and must contribute towards restoring the nation to its past glory. “India’s future lies in its past; not the recent past, but the remote past.” He is never serious about anything except when it comes to the country. He lives only for the country, despite illness in the body at 84, though he had designed it for only 60 years of life. He has been spending all his time, energy, resources and tapas for protecting whatever is left of its culture, the Sanathana Dharma. “If you look upon our motherland as a Deity and circumambulate her three times, then, you will automatically attain moksha,” he would emphatically say. At the same time, he would sternly warn, “All your sadhana cannot take you to moksha, if you fail to clear your debt to Bharat.” Today, thanks to him, I love my country. I know why it is great. I also know what I should do at this point. I will come back with him, and continue the good work. ************** “I hope your search ends here.” When I met him first, I was the Regional Manager of The Hindu, Visakhapatnam. Though I came to Vizag in 1989, I could see him in a small meeting organized by Vizag Management Association in 1992. I could meet him later and enter his fold only in 1994. I had to complete my rounds you see! “In the eyes of your newspaper, I am a fundamentalist,” so began he, a series of conversations with me on how the Indian media had gone berserk, mad making us wonder whether they had fallen into the hands of outside powers. Whenever I walked in, he used to make fun of me saying, “Ah! We are all just Hindus but he is The Hindu!” Under his influence, I submitted a strong memorandum to the Editor and M.D. which caused quite a furore. Soon, it was becoming obvious that I was “eating sin.” So a decision was taken to quit The Hindu or rather quit employment forever. Master said he would not promise anything while everything was assured! “Come out I say, God will support you!” I submitted my resignation on February 14, 2005, on my father’s birthday and left on March 30, 2005 which was my birthday, after serving the organization for 27 years. For some time, nothing much happened. I spent time with him, traveled alone or with him. I bought an old apartment, a car, performed the wedding of my twin boys, bought one of them a motorbike and blew up all the reserves. Suddenly, my supply line snapped. I was pushed into a situation where I had to borrow for returning to Vizag from Chennai and for my next meal! I did. As I met him, he asked, “Ennappaa samaachaaram?” and I told him, ‘Sir! I have nothing to lose except poverty!’ He laughed, punched my stomach and said, ‘That is the spirit! Keep your chin up!’ I had just written a book titled, ‘Chips Down? Chin up!’ He advised me to sell the apartment, my last bandham.” It could not be sold though I was ready to sell it for any price which any prospective buyer would quote! I had to shift to Chennai for livelihood. “You have not asked for any change. Circumstances are compelling you to shift to Madras. It means higher things are waiting for you there.” Master advised me to take up a job on regular employment. I left Vizag, after living there for 20 years out of which I had spent 15 years with the sweetest gentleman I have ever met. I would miss his physical company. “Ah! What about it? It is not permanent. It has already culminated into something which is lasting.” On October 26, 2009, my wife and I shifted to Chennai. Soon, one of my sons quit his job in CNN-IBN, Noida and moved in, at the insistence of my daughter-in-law who was intent on living with us. I got a job in a publication run by an old friend of mine whom I had not met for 35 years. I got a job for my other son in the same office and he also moved in with his wife. Soon, we had to move to a bigger home. We did. And, I quit the job as my ‘friend’ became unbearable to keep company with. Necessity pushed me to the limelight – public speeches, television shows, acting in serials, anchoring functions, releasing books and cds and so on. Soon, we were blessed with grandchildren. *********************** Now, after knowing the Master for 19 years and not in his physical company for four years, where and how am I? • His presence is no more a mystery to me. He assured me once, “I will be the undercurrent in all your experiences.” Literally! His divine presence, unimposing, non-interfering presence is palpable throughout my waking hours, through all my thoughts and activities. • My life is over. Living continues. • People talk in glowing terms using incomprehensible superlatives about a few physio-psychic experiences. Well, he has bestowed me with scores of spiritual experiences. There is no need to talk about them. They were given after he granted an attitude which would take anything casually. Almost all such great experiences had happened to me in broad daylight, during waking hours and in normal consciousness. They could happen while bathing or walking in a railway station, or when you are about to sit in your office chair, or when you are talking to someone in the train, anytime, anywhere. • If Kailash was memorable, Jageshwar is unforgettable *************** As I stand before him now, with an attitude of gratitude, I realize that I am what he wants me to be. Today, I am in the thick of activities, leading a very hectic life as I am about to turn 60. I don’t feel 60. I don’t have regrets about the pace or nature of my life. I used to ascribe all good things to him and all negative aspects to myself. Not anymore! He alone is responsible for everything. Whether I am good, bad, silly or ugly, it is because he wants me to be like that. I have no complaints about the lack of anything in life. Master! I am sure you are listening!! “Whatever happens, or does not happen, is according to the will of God, and with the permission of your Guru, for your own good, in your own interest.” Let him do whatever he wants to with me. Let him have a choice with me! I do not suffer from identities or for want of them. I am richer than the richest. I am extremely fortunate to be picked up by him. Deep inside me, he resides as him, peace and joy. Where or what or who am I? “At the most, you can call yourself a human being. Even that is a tall claim.”
Posted on: Wed, 31 Jul 2013 07:54:38 +0000
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