Relationship Advice from the Divorce Paralegal When abuse happens in a relationship, it is insidious and happens over time. When you first enter into a relationship with an abuser, they are charming and beguiling. They want all of your attention and time. You think it’s because they care so much so you dismiss this red flag. They woo and court you. They are perfect until you become “theirs.” Once you are in a committed relationship with an abuser, they have to maintain control of you because they are damaged. They are insecure and lack confidence in their ability to maintain a relationship based on their merits. The abuse starts out slowly. They isolate you from family and friends by demanding all of your time. Next come criticisms regarding your appearance, clothes, friends, etc. You find yourself walking on eggshells to avoid conflicts and negative remarks. If you should get out of line, they will yell and scream at you. Once they see you’re accepting of their verbal and emotional abuse, the next step is physical abuse. Your next transgression could lead to a shove. If you accept a shove, next time it could be a slap. If you accept a slap, then next is a punch. Oftentimes, people get caught off guard by the person whom they love and their bad behavior. If you are in a healthy frame of mind, you would not allow your partner to disrespect you in any manner whatsoever and would put a stop at criticisms. However, if you are not, you start to make excuses for the abuser. “If I would have had dinner ready on time, he wouldn’t have hit me.” “It was my fault for talking to her friend, that’s why she was acting crazy.” NEVER make excuses for your partner’s bad behavior. NEVER allow your partner to disrespect you. You get what you settle for.
Posted on: Sat, 07 Sep 2013 04:12:26 +0000