Rock Bottom is Hard (get it?) A cold virus has gone around my - TopicsExpress

Rock Bottom is Hard (get it?) A cold virus has gone around my family. I think my tonsils got infected. Well, yeah. The inside of my face is a hot mess. I went to the ER because I didnt want to mess with CareNow and really? I should have a doctor, but I dont. He just gave me pain medication (liquid based on the view of my throat) written on the wrong prescription paper that I didnt even bother to fill. I really just needed an antibiotic. I feel awful. A friend from afar, one of the only people I trust seeking advice regarding Boy14 from, and I were chatting today. She said: How are you doing? With Boy14 not stable, you not well (meaning MS), and the divorce, I cant imagine how youre doing it all. I basically said that I was actually actively sobbing in the way that causes phlegm and omg I am the worst looking/sounding hysterical crier EVER. Plus, my two younger kids are flocked around me crying, patting my head, fretting and I cannot do this. Anymore. And, I told her my truths - things that only my family and BFFs (Im 12, emotionally) will ever know. words words words happened. And, she said: ....you dont need that BS. Oh. Part of my own struggle with depression and anxiety is thinking that I do, indeed, not only need, but deserve, that BS. (BS can be whatever negative thing one wishes it to) Why? The why of it all is part of my journey I can share that is perhaps helpful I do not have a low self esteem, exactly. I am profoundly sensitive. I will not say it is a fault or flaw, because it is just part of what I need to manage in my state of being. If I give completely in to that part of me that feels that I am saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, being wrong wrong wrong - I will quit leaving the house. Part of what I did today is I chose to listen to the people that said CTFD before you implode. Just some deep breaths and I turned off my phone - this constant ability to be texted is making me nutty. I missed going to the park, but I will get out to a function tomorrow. Because I need to make sure to leave the house. Lesson: CTFD

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