Santas Survilas liecība/Santa Survilas testimony (English is at the end) Mani sauc Santa. Esmu dzimusi nekristīgā ģimenē. Bērnību pavadīju laukos, biju šķietami vesels bērns, staigāju, skrēju, tikai varbūt lēnāk un smagnējāk nekā citi. Ar skolas vecumu pārcēlos uz pilsētu. Skolā bērni mani apsmēja, jo nebiju tik veikla kā citi. Rīgas Tirdzniecības tehnikumu un Latvijas Universitāti pabeidzu, vēl esot pati uz savām kājām. Veselība pasliktinājās, kļuva grūti kāpt pa trepēm, nevarēju vairs piecelties no sēdus stāvokļa. Braucu pie dažādiem ārstiem, bet ārsti pateica, ka šī slimība nav ārstējama un ja, ārstēšana būs, tad varbūt pēc 100 gadiem… Tika uzstādīta diagnoze: iedzimta muskuļu saslimšana, miopātija. Sāku dzīvot diezgan noslēgtu dzīves veidu, galvenokārt četrās sienās. Vienmēr bija lielais BET. „Viss jau būtu labi, bet…” Mans veselības stāvoklis nebija tāds, kādu es to vēlētos. Jutos depresīvi. Ārsti ieteica lietot antidepresantus, es atteicos. Uz veikaliem nebiju gājusi vairāk kā 10 gadus – līdz pagājušajam (2013.) gadam. Visu pirku internetā. Pirmoreiz vairāk par Dievu dzirdēju 2009. gadā. Kāds cilvēks man par to stāstīja, sākumā ļoti uzmanīgi. Jutu sevī lielu pretestību, tādu kā sienu. Tagad saprotu, ka tas bija mans lepnums un aizspriedumi, jo pirms tam uzskatīju, ka Dievs nepieciešams tikai cilvēkiem, kuri paši nespēj tikt galā ar savām problēmām. Es sevi par tādu neuzskatīju. Vēlāk sapratu, ka tā ir mana maska, kuru valkāju, lai neizsauktu citu cilvēku žēlumu un nosodījumu. Dievkalpojumus skatījos svētdienās pa TV un uzskatīju, ka ar to pilnīgi pietiek, jo pamest savu komforta zonu nevēlējos. Pavērsiens notika pagājušajā, 2013. gadā, kad pirmo reizi piedalījos Wings for Wheels rīkotajā kristīgajā nometnē cilvēkiem ar kustību traucējumiem. Man nebija izvēles: vai nu pārvietoties riteņkrēslā, vai palikt mājās. Izvēlējos braukt! Un pēc šīs nometnes, kur notika interesantas lekcijas par kristīgām tēmām un bija arī fiziskās aktivitātes ar izaicinājumiem, es vairs nejutu ierobežojumus, un manī notika lūzuma punkts: es sapratu, ka iespējams ir viss! Sajutu sevī lielo Dieva beznosacījumu mīlestību. Un vairs nekad nebūs tā kā bijis, bet būs daudz, daudz labāk! Sāku lasīt kristīgās grāmatas, sāku apmeklēt draudzi “Rīta zvaigzne”. Esmu sapratusi, ka Dievs palīdz cilvēkiem atrast savu identitāti, atrast sevi un savu mērķi dzīvē. Jo, kamēr cilvēks ietekmējas no citu cilvēku domām un viedokļa, viņš nevar sevi realizēt un atrast savu aicinājumu. Dieva vārds (Bībele) sniedz atbildes uz visiem jautājumiem. Tas palīdz ikdienā, priekos, bēdās un skumjās, jo vienmēr ir, pie kā patverties. Ar Dievu kopā pa dzīvi iet ir vieglāk nekā vienam! Sapratu, ka Dievs mūs katru mīl neatkarīgi no tā, kādi mēs izskatāmies citu cilvēku acīs, jo „..cilvēks redz, kas parādās viņa acīm, bet tas Kungs uzlūko sirdi” /Samuēla 1. gr. 16:7./. Un es zinu, ka Dievs lieliski var lietot arī mani ar visām manām vājībām, lai varu dalīties ar savām dāvanām un kalpot citiem cilvēkiem. Uz to iedrošinu arī jūs visus – ticēt, nebaidīties un droši spert šo soli, kaut vai sākumā pavisam nelielu – pretī Dievam. Jo Dievs mūs visus mīl un gaida! „Ja tu meklēsi Mani no visas sirds un dvēseles, tu Mani atradīsi” /5.Mozus 4:29/ . My name is Santa. I was born in a non-Christian family. I spent my childhood in the countryside and seemingly was a healthy child – I walked, ran, though perhaps slower and more heavily than the others. As the school age approached, I moved to the city. When at school, the children laughed at me because I was not as nimble as others. I finished Riga Trade Vocational Secondary School and the University of Latvia while still able to walk. My health worsened; it was hard to walk up the stairs, I could no longer stand up from the seated position. I went to different doctors, but they said that this illness cannot be cured and perhaps the treatment could be found after 100 years... The diagnosis was given to me: congenital muscular disorder, myopathy. I began to lead a rather secluded lifestyle, mostly staying within four walls. There was always a BUT... “Everything would be good, but...” My health was not the way I wished it to be. I felt depressed. The doctors suggested the use of antidepressants, but I refused. I had not gone to the shop for more than 10 years – until last year (2013). I bought everything online. First time I heard more about God in 2009. One person told me about Him, though very carefully at first. I felt a great resistance within myself, something like an inner wall. Now I understand that it was my pride and prejudice, since I previously thought that God is needed only by people who cannot deal with their problems themselves. I did not consider myself that person. Later I understood that it was the mask I used to avoid other people’s pity and condemnation. I watched church services on TV on Sundays and thought that it was absolutely enough because I did not wish to leave my comfort zone. The turning point was last year – in 2013 – when I first participated in the Christian camp organised by Wings for Wheels for people with physical impairments. I had no choice: either I could use a wheelchair or stay at home. I chose to go! And after this camp where there were interesting lectures on Christian topics and physical activities with challenges I no longer felt limited. A change happened in me and I understood that anything is possible! I felt in me the great unconditional love of God. It will never be the way it was, but it will be much, much better! I began to read Christian books and go to the church “The Morning Star”. I have understood that God helps people to find their identity, to find themselves and their goal in life. As long as someone is influenced by other people’s thoughts and opinion, they cannot find their fulfilment and calling. God’s Word (the Bible) gives answers to all questions. It helps in everyday life, in joys, sorrows and sadness, because you always have its refuge. It is easier to go through the life with God rather than alone! I understood that God loves each one of us, no matter how we look in the eyes of the others because ‘...man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart’. /1 Samuel 16:7/. I know that God can use me wonderfully with all of my weaknesses, so I can share my gifts and serve other people. I encourage all of you to believe; not to be afraid and to take this step with courage, even if it is just a tiny step towards God. Because God loves us all and waits for us! “You will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul”. /Deuteronomy 4:29/
Posted on: Tue, 21 Oct 2014 09:55:52 +0000
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