Second Firsts: Live, Laugh, and Love Again ~ Christina Rasmussen If you have experienced loss, if you have experienced tragedy, then you know the pain that grief can bring. My heart broke to pieces on July 21, 2006, when my beloved husband died at the age of 35. I don’t think I will ever have the words to articulate the experience of my heart breaking. It was so dramatic that it seems I should have heard it. But grief is a silent intruder. She breaks the heart in a very muted way. It goes from unbroken to broken in a second. And afterward, life is never the same. When my husband died, I was transported into a brand new world—a world where nothing made sense. I had died along with him, but I got to keep my body. I looked the same on the outside, but everything changed on the inside. This was the first time I had experienced the duality of loss. I had studied grief in graduate school. I wrote my thesis on the stages of bereavement. But nothing could have prepared me for what I was experiencing. Theory did not match reality, and I was left alone to find my way through the pain. As life progressed, the duality grew. I had a great corporate job, I took care of my kids, and, because of my lack of appetite, I even reached my perfect body weight. I looked better than ever. “Oh Grief you made me look good on the outside trying to trick the world into believing that all is well here.” But all wasn’t well. I was miserable. And all the advice I got was that I had to tough it out. Time heals all wounds, they said. So, I powered through. I took on single motherhood, I worked day in and day out, I provided for my girls, and yes I became stronger. But it took me years to get back to living. I was stuck in a place of survival between my old life and my new life. Getting back to life should not take forever. And it doesn’t have to. You don’t have to wait. What nobody told me during those first years was that when you go through the unimaginable, you can do the impossible. Nobody mentioned the special powers you acquire when your heart tragically breaks. It took me three years to realize that I could change my life. I had already been through the worst thing I could imagine. I was strong. And I didn’t have to be afraid. When I realized this, I began to use those special powers. And I began teaching people about their ability to create a new life after loss—a life that could be even better than their old life. If you have experienced loss, then you are part of the reason I do my work. I do not want you to wait any longer to start loving and living again. I want to help you find the special portals to your post-loss life, so you can leap through them and get back to living fully and passionately. I assure you, this is completely possible. I know this because I’ve done it. When you start your journey back to life, you’ll surprise yourself every step of the way. I know I did. I stepped into actions that were completely out of character for me prior to my loss. I may have even looked crazy from the outside sometimes. Yes I was still scared but that no longer stopped me. Not only did I fall in love again, but I created a brand new world of new beginnings and have now helped thousands of people create their own brand new life after loss. My desire to help people has not only fueled my business, it has also led me to write my first book, Second Firsts: Live, Laugh, and Love Again. In it, I discuss the process I used to heal myself and to help my clients. It is comprised of five simple steps: Step 1. Get Real: Unfortunately without reflection and insight you cannot understand your loss. Without speaking the pain out loud and writing it down you cannot start over. You have to discover where you are in your grief today. If you are truly still grieving, you can stay where you are. However, if you are just stuck in that place between two lives, it’s important to look toward the future. Telling yourself the truth will actually help you get unstuck and feel a little bit of eagerness to connect. You will naturally start to think about what you need to do next. Step 2. Plug in: This step is about taking small steps toward the life you want. No matter how scared or uncomfortable you are, you must start to plug in to the life you hope to have. I ask you to take a very small step each day so you get a taste of the life that is waiting for you. For example, you can change your hair, buy a new dress, or commute to work a different way. Remember your identity has changed after your loss, and you need to start looking at the new you. So plug in a little bit at a time and watch life shift. The plug-ins must happen in order for you to step out of that place between your old life and your new one. This is a very important part of moving forward. Step 3. Shift: I have always believed that words can change everything. Every word you utter gives you a glimpse of the life that is ahead. If you say, “I will never love again,” then you will never love again. If you say, “Nobody wants to be with me,” then nobody will. This step is all about changing your words so your tomorrow will be different. Do not underestimate this step. It is one of the most powerful ones. You can plug in to the new life all you want, but if you continue to tell yourself that life is unfair your plug-ins will only lead you to an unfair life. Changing your grief words to life words is vital for your journey back. Step 4. Discover: One certain thing that takes place after loss is dramatic change. However we don’t often see it. Change does not show up at our door with a big announcement. Change is very subtle. It only becomes visible when we start speaking our truth and asking for what we want from the people around us. In this step you will have to renegotiate old relationships. Break up with old friends who no longer align with your life. Let the real you step out even if you think that the people in your life might disapprove. The only way you will discover who you are becoming is by asking for what you want every single day. Grief has given you big guts. Use them. Step out and let others get to know you all over again. Step 5. Reentry: Now that you have told yourself the truth, dared to take action, and changed your words, it is time to reenter. Grief has made you one heck of a human being. Somehow the impossible has a different meaning for you now. Reentry happens when your heart melts with the simple things of life. Compassion becomes the primary emotion and it brings you closer to so many people. You feel more connected. And because of that you dare to take action to make your dreams come true. Please look at your broken heart from where I am sitting; you will see something beautiful. Evolution takes place not when our hearts break but when they mend. Your heart is not meant to be broken forever. You can start the mending process by taking action today. mariashriver/blog/2013/11/second-firsts-live-laugh-and-love-again-christina-rasmussen/ Find Second Firsts on Amazon: amazon/exec/obidos/ASIN/1401940838/hayhousecom-20
Posted on: Mon, 04 Nov 2013 16:37:03 +0000
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