September 28, 2013 FCFB Update: So…I was really good about reporting my pains and no pains and emotions and feelings all during chemo and what a testimony that was. Truly there were many, many more up days than down days…and the health I had through the process was baffling to everyone…except those of us that believe. I have had so many people say to me things like…”oh yes, my cousin went through chemo and had no problems either…other than extreme fatigue, mouth sores, diarrhea and they lost their fingernails” or something like that. So I started wondering why they would compare that person’s journey through chemo with mine…and then it dawned on me. No one wants to say that their faith and relationship with Jesus is any less than anyone else’s. But here is the deal…we are all at different places in our faith and journey through life. I have had so many trials and moments of clinging desperately to Jesus that my faith is now at that place where because I am filled with His spirit I can really find heaven on earth. That sounds so pretentious and full of myself but what I mean is…I have the means and the opportunity to live like that and it’s up to ME to dig in and have it! So I said all this to say…radiation is…not that great. I’m not sick or tired or any of the things they expect. I’m just kind of blah. My mind is foggy, I have a brick in my chest that is getting so tight it is hard to lift my arm over my head, my joints ache from an after side effect of chemo and I look ugly to me. The President is constantly telling me I’m beautiful and so do people on the street…but in my mind I reject it for pity because I have peach fuzz for hair and a chest that looks crazy, plus I was never attractive to me anyway. It makes me sad sometimes…and then I think of Christ…being spat upon and whipped and beaten and crucified…not for Himself…but for ME and for my healing which is what He is doing right now…and then I beat myself up for feeling any sort of pity for myself. Right! He has done so much for me and I’m bellyaching about pretty much nothing. I just want to say I thank God for loving me and lifting me when I get down and stupid. Years ago I fought depression like nobody’s business and He lifted me out of that and He continues to do it so that I can have what He promised….Heaven on earth. Praise the Lord Jesus Christ. Please continue to pray for me Facebook Prayer Warriors I feel a little weary and I know it’s just a spiritual attack…or menopause. God bless my Facebook Prayer Warriors, you are the best.
Posted on: Sat, 28 Sep 2013 20:50:03 +0000
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