September 7, 2014 Positive Christianity Ministries presents...Positive Daily Inspiration Sunday Funnies (Submitted with our great thanks) Let Your steadfast love become my comfort according to Your promise. Psalms 119:76 Coming Monday – News of one of most unusual and special spiritual retreat cruises we have ever offered. Advance preview, and chance to book before the general public for our beloved subscribers: positivechristianity.org/retreats.htm POSITIVE DAILY INSPIRATION TELEVISION CHANNEL youtube/PositiveChristianity Reply - if you have a prayer need, or correspondence, (Header address is only for list server) Positive Christianity will start praying with you, daily, for an entire month. There Is Never a Charge for Prayer. Chili Cook-Off If you can read this whole story without laughing, then theres no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL. Frank: Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judges table, asking for directions to the cotton candy stand, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldnt be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free food during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3. Here are the scorecard notes from the event: CHILI # 1 - MIKES MANIAC MONSTER CHILI Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy heavens, what the heck is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two extra-large cokes to put the flames out. I hope thats the worst one. These Texans are crazy. CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN S AFTERBURNER CHILI Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. Im not sure what Im supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more iced soft drinks when they saw the look on my face. CHILI # 3 - FREDS FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. Ive located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more ice cold drinks before I ignite. The barmaid Sally, pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. Im getting full from all this liquid, I have over a gallon in me, and my stomach is still burning. CHILI # 4 - BUBBAS BLACK MAGIC Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to beat on my chest again, to revive me... because of this nuclear waste Im eating! CHILI # 5 - LISAS LEGAL LIP REMOVER Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use a more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring ice water directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if Im burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. CHILI # 6 - VERAS VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames and Im worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Cant feel my lips anymore. I need a snow cone. CHILI # 7 - SUSANS SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be a bit of distress as he is complaining uncontrollably. Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldnt feel a thing. Ive lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are covered with lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, theyll know what killed me. Ive decided to stop breathing; its too painful. Im not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, Ill just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. CHILI # 8 - BIG TOMS TOENAIL CURLING CHILI Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if hes going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how hed have reacted to really hot chili? Judge # 3 - No Report God bless you for your willingness to help others through Positive Christianity Online donations positivechristianity.org/donation.htm Donations by mail: Positive Christianity Box 7993 Woodlands, Texas 77380 POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER: I cooperate with God, my Creator and re-creator. I praise and bless the perfect functioning of my body. I praise and bless the perfect response of my quickened mind. I feel and express Gods healing life. I envision myself as vital, alive, filled with peace, joy, ever-renewing life. I am uplifted and strengthened in mind and body. Today, I pray that my every thought, my every word affirms this faith. I rejoice that today is a day of healing for me. I acknowledge the one presence, the one power, God. In Jesus Christs name… Amen POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION: The miracle working essence of Jesus Christ becomes my supply, and abundance overflows into every area of my life. POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE: I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do. Leonardo da Vinci POSITIVE PRAYER TELEVISION CHANNEL youtube/prayerAmerica POSITIVE CHURCH TELEVISION CHANNEL youtube/PositiveChurch SUNDAY TRIVIA (Answer tomorrow) Who is traditionally credited with the authorship of the Torah? Prayer CDs and downloads, and other great stuff: positivechristianity.org/gifts.htm PositiveChristianity.org - Subscribe for free easily on our homepage SPIRITUALLY SERVING since 1999 – The worldwide PRAYER PLACE inside the Internet, serving a million people every day. Welcoming all faiths, excluding no one. Reaching the ends of the earth with the positive message of God. We do not build buildings – We build people! Not connected to any church, Positive Christianity is a Prayer Ministry without walls, physical or denominational, that the world can instantly access and use without cost. Positive Christianity Ministries Box 7993 Woodlands, Texas 77380 God bless you, Make it a GREAT day!_______Christopher Ian Chenoweth
Posted on: Sun, 07 Sep 2014 12:45:20 +0000
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