Set clear boundaries and expectations! All children need strong rules, regulations, and expectations. All activity and interactions have boundaries that define the limits for which our actions are acceptable or unacceptable. They provide a mental map to keep us within expectations. Most of these boundaries are unwritten social rules, which are invisible, but assumed. These boundaries provide the structure to guide our behavior and provide predictability to our world. These boundaries help provide the foundation for our sense of safety and security. Without these boundaries we would be lost, anxious and insecure. For children on the spectrum, they have a hard time reading these unwritten, often invisible boundaries. Unless the boundaries are very clear and concrete, they do not have the mental map to structure what they are doing. Without these concrete boundaries, their behavior can seem haphazard and disorganized. Without clear expectations, the children often over step the boundaries, and behave in ways that are unacceptable to our standards. These children are often perceived as resistant and oppositional, with purposeful intent to be noncompliant. In many cases, they simply do not understand the expectations and limitations that are assumed by others. Since the world lacks the framework, they are often in a free fall, with little organization to their behavior. With the lack of these invisible boundaries, the children become anxious and insecure, and often have a strong need to control all activity/interaction to create predictability to their world. Children on the spectrum need very concrete, black and white rules and expectations (boundaries), with very consistent consequences for following them. Once the rules and expectations become clear, consistent, and predictable, they provide children a path to follow which decreases anxiety. At first the boundaries need to be strong, concrete, and literal. If possible, provide them visually (pictures, written, or physical boundaries). Keep them short, simple, and black and white to begin with. To be understood, the expectations have to be very clear and consistent, with little flexibility. The child needs immediate, consistent consequences that are firm in the face of resistance. As the child’s world becomes more consistent, flexibility can gradually be introduced. We often go wrong by assuming that the child understands what is expected. Since these boundaries are intuitive for us, we forget that they are not for the children. To assist the child in meeting expectations it is important for us to provide a concrete path to follow. Make it standard practice to implement the following: 1. Before events, define the boundaries (rules and expectations) to provide the framework for understanding. Preview for the child what he can expect to happen, what is expected of him, define the rules and regulations, and any consequences for not following them. Explain what seems obvious to us. Lay out a structured path for the child to follow. 2. If it is a new activity, don’t assume that the child will be able to successfully follow the path. Use guided participation, with close framing and guidance, to stay on the correct path. Don’t expect perfection, provide the guidance. It is easier to set the stage for success, than correct them when going astray. 3. When the child begins to steer of course, gently block and redirect back on path. Don’t let them get far off track. This maximizes the likelihood of success. The further off they get, the harder it is to get them back on track. It is easier to frame the boundaries to easily redirect them to stay on path, than it is to let them get off track and then reel them back in. 4. By a firm, but loving guide. Stay firm to the boundaries and implement clear and consistent consequences for ignoring the guidance/boundaries. Consequences need to be implemented immediately and consistently. They have to be very concrete, and black and white. 5. It is ok, before hand, to collaborate with the child and negotiate as needed. However, once the boundaries are set, stay firm with them. When implementing consequences stay consistent with what was discussed, and implement them with little emotion and no discussion, explanation, or negotiation. 6. If possible avoid creating new rules, or change the rules, during the game! Once the expectations are set, stay consistent with them. Making up rules as you go along can cause strong resistance. 7. Children respond best to what is routine and “habit.” Start with boundaries early on in life and make it a habit to follow the rules. Rules provide the path for guiding behavior. This series on discipline can be found in the green book Autim Discussion Page on Anxiety, Behavior, School and Parenting Strategies.
Posted on: Mon, 29 Sep 2014 20:03:10 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015