Shadow Self II – Haunted Mansion My shadow self had given me a vision of what my shadows are and how they were formed. I filled up with excitement and became impatient to get started on this healing right away! Soon after my kundalini I ...was told that there are time release mechanisms and safety mechanisms at play, pacing my awakening. I’ve gone through times of feeling utterly overwhelmed and wanting to call a halt to the incessant change, and times of feeling extremely impatient for things that I know are to come. Slowly with experience I’ve decided that its perfect and in retrospect I wouldn’t change a thing. I still experience a thrill as I become aware of each new shift, then grumble as I struggle through the hard parts, and finally gratitude. I walked to the center of my village green to meet the shadow spirit. As I walked, I thought back to a book report I did with a classmate in second grade. We were supposed choose a book to read together then hand in a written book report and also stand in front of the class together and tell them about the book. Our school library was so interesting back then. We visited once a week and sat in chairs at the tables at the front, and listened to the librarian read to us, then we left. We never checked any books out. I don’t know if that was her policy or school policy or district policy? Maybe only older kids were allowed to, and I moved away after 4th grade so I never found out. The book report was the one exception. We were shown a collection of books with double copies laid out on the tables, and I just had to pick the haunted mystery one. I could be bossy when something seemed important, and I didn’t even listen to the objections of my partner. Then for some reason I insisted that we write and act out a play for the class, summarizing the plot. My collaborator argued and refused to do the work, so I told her no problem – I’m happy to write the script and prepare all of the props as long as you’ll practice with me. I agreed to play the boy’s part too, write her role as the heroine, and make her the star of the show. She warned me often that we weren’t “doing the assignment” and prepared to blame me for a poor grade, but grudgingly conceded. Of course the teacher and kids loved it and we got an ‘A’. I still have the script that I typed out with two index fingers on my mom’s typewriter, and the props like my painting of a haunted mansion. After that I read every single Nancy Drew story and moved on to Agatha Christie. I found mysteries to be pure fun, not scary at all. These were my musings as I walked forward to meet my shadow self. I signal myself of what is to come in the journey, so that’s how I knew that we were going to a ‘haunted house’. I met my shadow spirit just past the center of the path. There I fell into more than an hour, by the earth clock, of very strange journey experiences. I had only the vaguest sense of us traveling together to his stone mansion, which is the last home on the far right end of that street (past Doc Forwich’s home). It really does look like a haunted mansion, with a big wrap-around porch. But I wasn’t really aware of that until afterwards. My experience was like falling down a haunted rabbit hole. For more than an hour I felt myself tilting and falling all different directions and experiencing brief fragments of haunted scenes. I would fall forward and find myself looking at a chilly stone fireplace then suddenly see a fire blaze in the grate to the sound of maniacal laughter. Then I would swivel and tilt to my left and fall through a giant ticking grandfather clock and go spinning downwards. Next I would turn to my right and open my eyes to see candelabras dancing in the air. I went through at least a hundred of these scenes. There were door knockers, doors that opened on their own, cold drafts, open windows, mice, bats, empty chairs rocking, organs played by unseen hands, coffins opening or creaking closed, footsteps following me down a deserted cobblestone alley, big spiders dropping down in front of me or crawling up my leg, a giant mouse stalking me, lots of opening and slamming doors, lights that went out suddenly and left me in total darkness. There were doors that mysteriously locked and I found myself twisting and pulling on them with both hands in desperation. I wasn’t scared by any of it. It was like I lived through a bunch of Disney haunted scenes, watching myself act out fear, but I didn’t literally feel afraid. These props must have been symbolic, standing in for my real worries. At first I thought that I was falling asleep and I kept trying to wake up and pay attention to the vision. Then I realized that these fragmented moments of mock horror were exactly the journey I was in. It really was like a waking nightmare, and that drowsy state was a purposeful part of it. Everything was disconnected and nonsensical. At times it felt like this could go on forever. I was patient and I stayed with the experience. Then suddenly I pulled out of it. It felt like I’d been hunched forward and suddenly I was pulled to my feet like a puppet and everything became ‘clear’ and normal looking. I was standing in the same stone house. It looked like a haunted movie set. A dusty and unused fireplace was along the right wall. It had a mantel with cobwebs covering the mirror and candelabras. An old man was standing there in the grey robes with his hood back. I just knew that he was taking a human form now to talk to me, but that his real essence truly was shadow. He heard me thinking and he chuckled in his old man throat. He faded into dark shadow then appeared as the robed man again. I asked him if he really was my shadow self? He said yes, that he has been shadowing me all of my life and teaching me to experience the shadow emotions, like fear and shame and worry and doubt. I asked, “Do we all have a spirit stalking us for that purpose?” He confirmed that it’s true. The shadows and emotions are something we learn. He showed me a super fast-forward review in my mind of decades of me accumulating them, and then having them all removed just now. They weren’t taken away, but they were all loosened, and shown to me so that my subconscious is aware of them now. I declared one of my mantras, and I meant it wholeheartedly: “It must be something good!” (Hallow ~ January 21st, 2014) Find more stories at https://facebook/ChaosKrakens Artwork - Hallows haunted mansion, age 7
Posted on: Wed, 19 Mar 2014 05:22:22 +0000