So I got married... Stayed married for about eh a year... But really only a good 6 months before I opted out cuz I cheated... With who? My best friend... Then I left.. Came to japan Messed around with a couple guys while still legally married... one was the bf of a chick at my job... Did I care? No... I aint related to her he aint no good no way if he with me... So its whatever... I stayed safe tho it was a cpl guys but I originally told my bf it was only one...but then I messed around with one I actually liked... My bf.. Like on his 3rd night over... So I stopped messin round... And let him be my main focus... Now I admit the way it happened I didnt think he would give me the time of day... But when he did it made me happy cuz I felt like this guy didnt judge me he saw the good in me.. And I started doin right... Well tryin too... I stopped bein hoe-ish but Im not gone lie for the first 2mnths I kept in contact cuz I didnt know his intentions... Meanwhile, Im worrying about him doin wrong and didnt realize that I never told him about anything until after we been together... About the marriage about the best friend nothing... He thought I was an angel... But that was short lived.. Cuz pieces started cumn together... And the lies started cumn out... But to me I felt like it was irrelevant because I wasnt even with him when all of this went down... But I was wrong... It was my excuse I used to justify my wrong... So Time goes by and things keep slowly cumn out and quickly falling apart... I continued lying to cover other lies not realizing that I was just chipping away at the trust he had for me... And it seemed like the more I tried to hide things more situations kept occurring and created more things for me to try and hide and lie about... So at one moment I felt like I had a break... He knew bits and pieces of truths/lies I had told but it was a happy medium for me because the basics were told... Something along the lines of hey I lied to u about some things & Im sorry... I didnt think u should know but now that u have an idea I will tell u the gist of it without too much detail... But that wasnt it... A situation happened where a guy came to my room (the girl from works bf) late at night.... He had been drinkin... I can sit here and say that I tried to get him to leave but I didnt try hard even tho he was drunk I could have tried harder... Cuz if I wanted him to be gone I would have got him out in the beginning... So he sat down and we talked... Kinda wish something more happened cuz I get accused all the time like something did... But anyway, About 15or20 mins into our convo I txtd my bf to see where he was cuz what guy would be cool with his girl alone in the room with someone she has a past with right??... Well not mine... So he tells me he is on his way and the guy leaves... But he left his phone in my bed... How it got there you might ask? It doesnt matter cuz regardless of how, the situation shouldnt have ever occurred anyway... So my bf saw him leave my room and preceded to come back when he realized he left him phone... One of the Worst things that could have ever happened to me... That was the first time my bf really left me... I begged and pleaded... Trying to tell him nothing happened cuz it didnt... But I realized later that being nice gets u no where... & Perception is everything... So things start goin downhill... Trust faded lines crossed... Meanwhile never really cumn out with none of my full truth... Until about almost a year in... It took me an entire year to tell him the whole truth about everything... Partially because other people told on me and the rest because I didnt want him to leave me... But at the end of the day I guess I deserved to be left... A person like me only deserves to receive what she gives out... Lies n hurt... Guess I learned my lesson a lil too late... But now that my truth is out so the world to see I have no more to hide... This is who I am just trying to pick up pieces whats left.. I made a promise to myself that I will no longer hide myself because I realize whats done in darkness will always come out... I just wish I would have made better choices... And that things would have went differently... I learned that lies get you no where so Im done with them... I know a lot of yall will be disappointed in me but honestly this is only a piece of my chaos... Just pray for me is all I ask cuz my journey in this life is far from over...
Posted on: Thu, 11 Sep 2014 11:41:03 +0000
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