So I promise I am going to finish sharing my journey with breast cancer at the age of 35. However, I had to escape a few days to regroup. I went to the mountains this weekend with some girlfriends and Drake went to see his cousins in Georgia. I am going to be open and honest. The grief I am experiencing is overwhelming. It drains me emotionally and physically. I guess I never saw myself at 36 being a single mom, a widow and a breast cancer survivor. Each title holds crazy challenges and all together its a bit too much. I also admit for the past five years I have held a lot inside. Grief and pain do not let you hold them inside! They come when they want and they come without warning. I have been experiencing daily panic attacks when coming home each day after work. I do not know what to do so I am going to try to redecorate the house and see if that helps. I think just walking into an empty and very quiet house is the problem. I did not have any attacks this weekend so surrounding myself with friends and laughter is always a plus. Drake wants to help me redecorate and I have agreed to let him put a purple stripe in his room for Clemson. We also went through Daves clothes and gathered all his tshirts and jeans for a quilt that will be made with those pieces of clothes. I know it will bring us both comfort. In terms of breast cancer awareness I will start back up with my breast cancer story tomorrow! I will say that it has been a year since I was diagnosed and I had a scare last week. As a cancer survivor every pain and bump you worry. I had a bilateral mastectomy which is essentially they removed both of my breasts. However, you can still have reoccurrences on the tissue remaining. Last Monday I found a lump on the side that had cancer. I went to see my surgeon on wed and he was not too concerned. He feels that it is the alloderm ( that is a post in its self) folding over. I will have an ultrasound in a month is it is still bothering me. So last week between that and Drake and Is many waves of emotions a weekend away was much needed. I will write tomorrow night on how the 16 samples of tissue from my 2 biopsies all revealed cancer! Also I am working on thank you notes. So many wonderful people have blessed us. However, each time I start to write the thank you notes I burst out crying so I am doing a few a day. So please forgive me.Until then here are some pictures to enjoy! ~miss you Dave!
Posted on: Tue, 07 Oct 2014 01:12:15 +0000
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