So Ive never done a new years resolution. Yeah I know, I know, january is gone. But in my defense the chinese new year just started (couple of days ago) anywho, its the year of the horse and I am a horse soo...Its my year!!! (Ok i dont know exactly how that shit works but hey) Ive been very troubled for the past few years. Ive had so much going on and its made me a bitter person. Needless to say probably the only real good thing that has come out of it is Kadaj. I love my little boy with all my heart. I am very grateful to have him in my life. Were it not for him, i would not be here today. This year i want to make a lot of changes. Some might be easy, a few will be hard and some will be near impossible. But Im determined to get back on my horse and back on track. Theres the issue of my weight, which i will be striving to eat healthier and get off my butt. The goal is to lose 50 pounds. I know that will take time and its daunting, but theres so many reasons for not giving up. Im fed up with my own excuses. Im doing good in school and i plan to keep it that way. Im still wanting to go into architecture so that is my mindset. As far as relations with friends, family and otherwise go- Family: Im not letting anybody in my family bring me down anymore. I love my family but they know (or should know) better about my depression. Them raining on me is actually kind of sadistic. Friends: they know who they are, and if theres any shadyness, well, Im done making room for people that cant make room for me. Relationships: Im not broadcasting anything good or bad. That shit just turns around to bite me every time. I need to just keep my private matters private. Whoever is with me will be the only one that needs to know. It is my goal to leave this place eventually (with Kadaj, of course) I can go with or without someone at my side. Fine either way. My ass needs a job. Ive become such a bum. Out of all the places Ive put applications into, the most Ive gotten is two interviews. I need to start being more insistent. Juggling classes, work and Kadaj might be hard but ill figure it out. Im going to try to work more on projects. Wether they be art work, or better yet, projects with kadaj as he gets older :) , reading more (Im slacking), learning new skills... I tend to think too much about the past. Its a terrible habit that i cant seem to break. But i will do my best to not be shackled by it. Theres too much to let go all at once, but little by little. As far as hatred goes, theres no room in my heart anymore for it. Certain people shall just be forgotten. Instead of seeing red whenever they are mentioned or some stupid memory bubbles to the top of my mind. Although their racist asses still wont be able to see Kadaj until hes at least 18. (Hell hath no wrath like a woman *scratch that* MOTHER scorned) I remember i used to be a little more carefree as far as my individuality. I feel like Ive conformed a bit I dont know why....the next thing i knew i was looking normal..but i need to fix it. If you see me being weird, or wearing something weird, relax. Im just reverting to the weirdo i was. All work and no play gets business taken care of but i get fidgety. I want to go out a teeny bit more. I want to do lazerfest or animeiowa. Maybe a mini road trip. Or simply hanging out with friends or the occasional night out drinking. (I do not have a drinking problem lol). Then theres Kadaj, above all else. Hes growing so fast and he shouldnt see me sad all the time. Its no good for him or me. Its getting close to potty training time and hes starting to pick up more and more spanish (Im so proud). I do need to spend more time with him before its too late. Even though he doesnt like to share his toys (he will be taught to share lol). Im not sure what Im doing for his birthday but it will be small. So yeah....i rambled as i often do... but thats it. This is what ill be working on this year. Im going to work on a better, happier, me. For Kadajs sake and my own. Im going to do what i want and need to accomplish this. No more regrets. No more excuses. *Hugs and kisses to you all*
Posted on: Mon, 03 Feb 2014 06:41:38 +0000