So, after much study and prayer and thought, I think I have discovered what I dislike about those marriage books that I read a while back (if any of you will remember my posts about how absurd I thought some of their premises were, but I just couldnt pinpoint exactly what, couldnt articulate it. Well, I think I finally can. Thanks to writer Matt Walsh who I read this from. He says that (and Im paraphrasing) anyone who loves you should challenge you to be a better person. Your bad choices or behavior should not cause them not to love you, but, God does not accept and tolerate our bad behavior, and it is not our spouses job to tolerate it either. All these books I read went off the premise that it was your job to simply accept whatever behavior your spouse did. They claimed that is unconditional love. It just didnt sit right with me, it didnt feel right. And I have finally discovered why. My problem with it is that it isnt Godly at all. God does not just sit by and ignore our bad actions and pat us on the head and say Good job. Jesus said Go and sin no more. The disciples wrote multiple times on staying away from sin. These marriage books fail to separate the bad actions from the person. They assume that you have to love the bad behaviors if you really love the person. Totally false in my opinion. I love my children, but I dont love their bad behaviors, in fact, I discipline them to stop the bad behaviors. I love my friends but when they mess up, I tell them about how I am disappointed and wish they would do better (And they do the same for me). I discipline my children because I love them. I share my disappointment with my friends because I love them. So, it is my conclusion that in marriage, it should be even more so. If I love my spouse, the last thing I will do is accept their bad behavior and stand by and watch them self destruct or walk an ungodly path. So, the conclusion that I have come to is still about me and how God can use and change my heart. Its that I want God to teach *me* to challenge those I love to be better *USING LOVE*, that I will be understanding so that they realize that it comes from a place of love. So that I dont overreact and get upset, but instead that I use my words to motivate them to be better. And that they will do the same for me. I want To love others in such a way that they KNOW that I mean only the best for them and that I am challenging them to be better because I know they CAN be better. To season my words in a way that conveys love and understanding. I will never be able to control their actions because that is a personal choice, but I can respond to their actions in love and challenge them to be better and do better. To sit idly by and watch those I love self destruct or wander away from God would be a sin of omission, i think, in some respects. (especially my children and spouse). So, there, you silly marriage book! Phooey to you!!!!! Ok, so, if anyone wants to join in on an intriguing, respectful, and engaging conversation, please join in!
Posted on: Fri, 24 Jan 2014 15:58:25 +0000
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